Well, I usually don't like to complain, but maybe someone wants to listen and possibly help. I'm 16 and I'm just going through a semi depressive state at the moment. I feel moderately insecure; it's like I always have to prove myself to myself, because I want to be someone but I have no idea who I am supposed to be. I always hear that one has to "be themselves" but being myself has gotten me into this strange state in my adolescence and if I don't do something different, how will I ever leave this state? And because I constantly want to change something about myself, I kind of feel like a poser/wannabe type person. I'm not sure if others see me this way though because mostly I stay out of people's way. I'm pretty friendly actually. My best friend is a great person, but she is a bit disconnected from my struggle. She has a lot on her own plate to deal with. Other than her, my only other friends attend a different school. I see them every so often, but they all have their own lives and over the years, we've developed different interests, ideas, and points of views.
Still, I yearning for someone to rescue me from this monotonous way of life that I've developed. So, at the start of this school year I decided I should go on a hunt for a crush because he might make life fun again. Well I found him and all, and we were getting along great, but then I blew it due to my awkwardness/insecurities. I pretty much scared him away. I'd be scared of me too. Now I like this new guy, but am deathly scared to interact with him for fear of scaring him as I did with the previous dude. But we have a lot in common, me and this guy, and I know that if we just talked normally, he'd possibly want to be my friend. He definitely knows who I am and all, but I refuse to be the one to start talking first.
I do have good intentions and am extremely intelligent(sorry if I'm boasting here) but I am not too good at making connections with people. I do love people though! And I love life and even death. But, aghhh who can I connect with? My brother and I can go on all night discussing theories of the universe and existence, but I want someone my own age. Maybe I'm just selfish and I need to get a life, but is it too much to ask for? No one that I know really knows how I'm feeling because I don't like to annoy people with my petty problems, but I wish I had someone to talk to, instead of spending my weekends in my room comparing my life to Radiohead songs all day. Can someone, especially the adults, shed some words of wisdom or something, ANYTHING, that might help?! Thanks guys :)
HEY I HOPE YOU READ THIS. BUT STUPID ADVICENATORS DOESN'T TELL YOU WHEN SOMEONE EDITS AN ANSWER.. ANYWAY. IT WONT LET ME MESSAGE YOU BACK ON MYSPACE BECAUSE I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND. SO IF YOU CAN ADD ME :D THEN MAYBE I COULD MESSAGE YOU BACK
take a deep breath. trying to be yourself, doesn't mean that you can't change yourself. many times. we don't really know who we are. I'm easily lost in what i want to become. but once you find out what it is that you want to be like, act like, think like. you have to go for it. you do not want to copy other people, but you can see something that you like about them and incorporate it into the person you want to become. i think if you listen to this song you might be inspired by what it has to say::http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ
anyway. it inspires me. and obviously whoever made it. you shouldn't let other people tell you to be a certain way. but i can tell there are things about yourself that you don't like. change them. you have the power over your own life. you can change them. your family doesn't understand your beliefs, and it doesn't sound like they respect them very much. maybe they will when you get a little bit older. its important to keep an open mind here though, because you cannot know what they are thinking, going through, etc. you can go to a religious meeting, or church, even if you don't believe everything they have to say. i go to church and i don't believe everything, i do take some pieces of the religion and incorporate them into my own beliefs. you believe whatever you think is right. its not the end of the rainbow for you. life goes on. and so does the fun. as for the social stuff. i'm not the best at it, but i'm getting better. my brother is an inspiration to me. you don't have to agree with your friends on everything. you can compromise, you can not talk about things you don't agree on such as politics. and you can still have fun. my brother actually goes up to people he and says "hey we're friends on myspace, we should be friends in real life" when he told me that he says that i thought woah. if you can do that. i can make a friend at school. (myspace might be another good way to connect to people you don't know well) its inspiring to me. anyway. its hard. i won't deny that at all. you just have to do your best to put yourself out there and hope people will get you. not everyone will. but who cares. you don't need there approval to be you. you don't need there negativity either. so what if they think your weird. its their problem. good luck with everything. thats all the wisdom i can think of for now lol. god bless
if you want to talk more, messege me on myspace:myspace.com/xxxxxxxxxlostxxxxxxxxx or email me:lostinmyundefinedsoul@yahoo.com
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Thank you very much for your help. I figure I can't go through life feeling sorry for myself and that the only way anything will ever change, is when I decide that I want it to. That was a really good song too. Very inspirational. Thanks again. :)
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