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Hey guys, Im Erika. I am looking into studying psychology in college. I am VERY GOOD at giving advice. I have been through many things in my life. I am currently in a relationship. i know A LOT about relationships, because I've been in one for many years. giving advice is something i deeply enjoy doing, because i love helping other with their problems and i can relate easily to other people.

advice

I will be a senior at a private 4-yr school and will graduate with a BA in astronomy-physics and possibly a math minor. My problem is that I feel burned out and don't like academics anymore. I was going to go to Grad. school but now I don't know if it would be best for me. I'm a mediocre student (B's, C's, sometimes A's) which is due partly to me being unable to handle all the math and partly due to personal problems. I had 4 major knee surgeries my first two years of college, which didn't affect me academically, because my first three semester classes weren't hard for me, and plus being on crutches really cuts down on social time, so I did homework a lot but still had plenty of time to relax. I got most of my A's during this period. My mom also has Bipolar disorder which is stressful for me and causes my family financial difficulties. My fourth semester, my mom sliced her stomach open with a razor while I was eating breakfast. She cuts herself when ever she has an episode, and this was the first time she did anything since she had a psychotic episode my Junior year in high school and tried to kill her self twice. My parents also told me they were afraid of bankruptcy (though this never happened). As a result, I failed the mid-term I took after coming back to school and got my first C in physics. I had major panic attacks afterward and nightmares about my mom killing herself. I also had somatic symptoms like not feeling my arms and legs are part of my body. I made it through by talking to a school therapist. My mom hasn't hurt herself since then due to a medication change. Unfortunately, I had more problems. My Junior year, I decided to live of campus which was a disaster. The house I lived in had mold in the basement, a leaking foundation (we had 55 gal of water) and electrical problems as well as several other problems that are too long to go into. After that was handled, I thought I could finally concentrate on school, but then all my housemates got into huge arguments and I ended up losing a large number of friends over the ordeal. The main cause of this was one girl who got off anti-depressant mediation, but still..I also overloaded on credits that semester and struggled with academics as well as having my panic attacks return after not having them over the summer due to all the stress. Then, this spring one of my friends committed suicide. I again had nightmares and panic attacks and went through a very intense grieving period. I went to college expecting to make a better life for myself and have only become very unhappy. In high school, I told myself if I work hard now, I can relax later, but later never comes. I also feel like a screw up because now I probably can't get into grad school even if I wanted to, because I have too many B's and C's in upper level classes. I'm constantly stressed during the school year because I rarely have free time any more, and while I still have some friends, I did lose many last year and my current friendships are shaky. And when I do try and relax, I feel guilty that I'm not doing something productive. I also feel very unmotivated and don't feel satisfaction and fulfilled from academics any more. It's had to feel satisfaction when I can only do mediocre. I can spend hours working on a problem, only to be told how to do it better, then I do it better, and am told how to do it even better than that. The problem is never done. It feels futile. My friend killed himself because of the stress from college and not getting into Columbia and I have two friends who took semesters off due to stress. The stress just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. I can't help but think Grad. school would be worse than this. I got a job working as a hostess/buser at a restaurant and I feel much happier than I have in years working at this job than I have doing anything else. It's because I get many things out of this job that I don't get in the rest of my life. I get to serve people at the restaurant and please others and possibly make someone's day better, which never happens in school. I also get praise for doing well and instant criticism when I do something wrong which is better than the stress of waiting a week or more for a grade. I get paid instead of struggling to pay for school through financial aid, scholarships, and working. I feel much more productive and like I'm doing some good at my restaurant job. School currently just feels futile. There's no satisfaction, and I don't think changing majors would help. Although being a hostess/buser makes me happy, I can't do that with my life because of my knee problems. I can do it now, but I already have arthritis, so it's unlikely I can continue to do it for the long term. I've thought about being a writer instead, but it has no financial security. What should I do to be happy? I don't want to take pills because they screwed my mom up pretty bad and they make it so she can't concentrate or focus on anything. It just keeps her alive. I don't want to end up like my mom. What should I do? I think I just need a change in direction in my life, but what would be a good change in direction?

you have so much stress in your life. you need to find osmething that makes you happy. if working at the restaraunt makes you happy, then keep working there. school is very hard, and your making it harder, because your taking so many hard classes. narrow them down, thats way too much for one person. take out that time and not stress yourself. how about some family time? you just need to squeeze in time to be happy becasue thats the one thing that you dont have. you need to be happy at your age, or it will only get worse. you can try seeing a therapist or somehting to get your life back on track. good luck, and i really hope this helps.

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(Rating: 4) I have considered dropping from 18 credits to 15 credits but am undecided. I guess I should just try new activities and see what helps.
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