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I was on this site before recording my first single. I will stay a member of this site. I am asking that each of you support me by visiting my webpage. I have posted music that I have written and recorded. Check out Wildside featuring Father Jah, and I want, created in memory of 2Pac.
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I am open, honest, truthful yet also insightful and understanding. I am a Strong woman with morals, belief, and character. I value life, myself and life of everything, everyone and all. I am mature, caring, giving, straight up and real!

I am not harsh, rude, or disrespectful but I am going to tell you the truth because you are asking for that. If you want a lie or support that you know is invalid because you question it yourself, please don't get mad at me for the truth because that is what sets us ALL free!! Peace, Venom



advice

I am 30 years old, female, and I have been married for 10 years. We have two children, ages 7 and 8. I love my husband and I would describe our relationship as a good one.
My problem is I think about my ex boyfriend. A lot. As in every day a lot. Where this starts to become strangely pathetic is the fact that I haven't seen him or had contact with him in 13 years. He was my boyfriend my junior year of high school. We were only together a few months. Our relationship ended when he dumped me, and I (being 17 and completely emotional) was heartbroken. I got married when I was 20, and I dated a few guys between this ex and my husband. I never give any of the others a second thought.
It really bothers me that I still think about him so much, especially after SO MUCH time has gone by. I know they say you never forget your first love, but this has become beyond ridiculous. I'm far too humiliated to admit this to any of my friends and family. This may sound trivial, but it's become a minor form of torture and is interfering with my life and peace. Please tell me, what can I do to stop this stupidity?

The first thing is not to consider this as trivial or stupid because it isn't. I understand - I have been there and done that, hell we'll talk about it if you want just email me at sophia_pettus@yahoo.com, and let me know that you wanna know about it. LOL

Well, here we go:

The reason you are still thinking about your ex is because at 17, there is no real closure because at that age, we don't know what closure is. The second reason is psychological- meaning because you were hurt so bad - when we hurt as people we don't know how to let go and release the hurt, we hold on to it forever and ever regardless of what the hurt is or why the hurt was caused and you are also combining this with association - because it was him who hurt you, you are remembering the hurt and him too. Sounds really crazy but I am a psychology major in addition to an accountant (CPA) and I promise you that this is what it is.

I am sure you love your family, however I am also sure that because a certain percentage is focused on your ex, that your husband isn't getting 100% of you. Normally I would suggest writing in a journal but you can't do that because your husband my find it, so with that being said, I am going to suggest reading and listening to music, should you have any spare time ALONE- WHY ALONE? because you need to cry one good time or as many times as it takes. Your mind must be at a meditating state in order to release whatever pain it is that you are feeling. Also, when you are thinking of your ex - are you thinking of good times, or him dumping you? I am asking this because if you are thinking of good times - then something is wrong - especially if you have a good marriage- I'll hit on that in a sec.. if you are thinking of being dumped - then we must go through a release process - and this is better than if you are thinking of good times with him.

If it is ONLY being dumped, or even just how he is doing, this is normal and you can pull through that one because it isn't him that you are thinking of, it's being dumped and how you felt when you were dumped. The word dumped is a NEGATIVE word, this means that you were hurt, pissed and upset because he broke up with you and you have clung on to that for years and so it's time to move forward.

If it's the good times you are thinking of, then there are SOME type of problems in your marriage- even if it's something as small as feeling like you have not enough time alone with your spouse because of the children. I would suggest a get away with just you and your husband - upon doing this, please be sure that internally you are realizing that you are rededicating yourself to your husband- marriage consists of mental, spiritual, physical and emotional. you feel me on that part?

Moving forward- if you are focusing on hurt from the breakup - Usually I suggest 4 books- but I can't suggest these books because your husband may find them and begin thinking and questioning why you have these books so we won't go there today - if you still want to know the names of these books- email me. When you have some alone time- go to the park, get out of the car (don't sit in the car) - why? getting out of the car is psychologically releasing instead of keeping it in the car- sit on the bench, get a tablet and first write how you are feeling - don't leave out anything or worry about length, just let it out.

Next, on a new sheet write a letter to your ex- tell him exactly how you are feeling - when you are done with this, walk to the trash can rip both up (this is breaking this hold mentally within)- breaking holds, mentally require action of tearing or breaking- this is why people who go through things, tend to break things, throw things, so on and so forth- anyway, tear up the paper, now THROW it away in the trash. If you need to cry, go ahead and do it.

Next, realize that GOD is in control and is the center of your marriage - get into the car - and PRAY- This stays in.. and is being received, not released. Pray that God strengthens you to move forward, forget the past and focus on your future. Ask him to help lead and guide you into being the wife that he has ordained you to be. Tell Satan he is a liar because anything negative, is Satan. Also when we think of something, even if we didn't do it, we still did it mentally and spiritually- it's in the bible, therefore based on the thoughts, you may need to ask forgiveness. "smile"

Start spending more time with your husband, when the kids are sleep, sit outside, and talk. Take walks, concentrate on building your marriage stronger, and better - if it's already good, set goals to make it great, and greater, better and better. you feel me? once you start doing these exercises and bonding more with your husband and self as an individual, then the thoughts, concerns, questions, worries, everything associated with your thoughts, will pass.

I hope this helps and I hope that I have helped.

Sophia - "Venom"

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(Rating: 5) Amazing helpful and thoughtful. Thanks!!!
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