lieko's advice column

asklieko

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I could go through this whole story, but I wont so I'll try to make this short.. by the way, 16/f

So I went out with this guy. And, everything seemed perfect. He always said how he never wanted to lose me and how much he loved me. He was always afraid he would lose me. I also loved him soo much. And we had always said if for some odd reason we broke up, we would always be friends. But one night, he broke up with me. He said he didnt feel a connection. Of course I was upset about it for a few days, but I was happy we would still be friends. We talked for a little while after that, but then he started getting weird. He changed, and completely shut me out of his life. Its been since this past January, and Im still in love with him, barely making it through each passing day, trying to find a way to get him back, even just as a friend. He wasnt just my boyfriend, he was my best friend, whom I told everything to. He was the only one that understood me.. His best friend keeps telling me not to give up, but every time it seems like we are going to get back to normal, he just breaks my heart again and again. Ive tried to give up on him, but I cant. I think its because I dont want to, even though hes literally killing me. At this point, I dont know what to do. Ive been getting a few of my close friends' opinions, his best friend's opinion, and his cousin's opinion. And I just dont know what to do.. Please help..

--S0methingM0re

Well i'm going through something pretty similar but i have gotten alot of advice from various friends so maybe it'll help.

A common antidote to this type of thing is usually just time. It hurts but if you take each day in stride and try to just ignore your feelings they eventually fade, Granted it doesn't sound like the healthiest advice but its something that works over time. Just try to block out all those memories you had with him or if you're a stronger person than I try to remember them as good memories but nothing more.

Another thing thats not really ethical but sometimes helpful is a rebound. I have a friend who got over a guy like that when she went out with another guy who was just simply better for her. Now she couldn't careless about her ex and is completely convinced she's found her soul mate, again. Although other times a rebound can also help you realize that what people say is true and that there really are a lot of more fish in the sea and if this one guy can't take the time to take into consideration YOUR feelings and not just his own then he's really not worth the chase.

If this guy really was your best friend just because he wanted to be with you then he was just a really good boyfriend not a best friend. The only thing that would have proved that is if he had come through after the break up and apparently he didn't. The best thing to do though is to just forget about love altogether. Keep yourself busy with work, school, friends, and such. Try anything to keep your mind off of him. After awhile you'll realize that your feelings have indeed faded and your ready to move on.

Hope i helped and good luck.