I'm a happily married Wife of 18 years with 5 beautiful children. I have created with my Husband a Family life I never thought possible in this world of turmoil and confusion. Growing up through my teen years was more like an excersize in surviving, both emotionally and mentally. The first years of my adulthood I spent re-evaluating all that I had lived through, and then rebuilding myself into a person I liked and wanted to be. The realization that changed my life forever was when I came to understand; I was not who or what others said I was, or wanted me to be. I didn't have to repeat my parents mistakes, when there was so many of my own I could make. I realized I alone was responsible for my choices, and for letting others treat me badly. I was no longer a child, and could demand and expect to be treated well. By freezing out those who didn't understand that for me things had changed!! I was still young, so I didn't alway's know what to do, but I sure knew what NOT to do! Which that alone is sometimes half the battle!!
Gender: Female
Location: CA
Occupation: Domestic Engineer
Age: 39
Member Since: September 22, 2005
Answers: 31
Last Update: June 8, 2008
Visitors: 6394
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is it all that bad? i have MANY MANY friends who are teenage parents and they just say oh i love my baby and i dont regret having it. and blah blah blah. they make it seem like its the best thing. i want to know what its really like. but i dont dare ask them because i know they wont tell me the bad things. so what did you go through or going through? do you honestly regret keeping it and all that? I DONT MEAN DO YOU REGRET YOUR BABY! because i know that its your child and you love it so you wouldnt regret that but if you could go back in time would you change things? (link)
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Well I'm not a teenage Mother but I almost was. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 5 months and was unable to get pregnant for almost 4-5 years after that. At that time there was nothing in the world I wanted more than a baby. However, now as an adult, who has 5 children I look back and see how selfish I was being.
Yes I did say selfish, because I wanted a baby and it didn't matter to me how many things my child would have to go without because their Mother would have been a struggling teen Mom. In fact it didn't even occur to me because I was just so focused on what I wanted. Never did I stop to think about all the things a baby needs, not to mention the things you want them to have.
Sure it can be done, there are young girls doing it everyday. Struggling to make ends meet, and more often than not, having to leave their little one's in someone else's care while they go take care of the things that need to be done. The thing is, if your not in a place in life where you can be around to enjoy your baby, why would you want to have a child your dropping off daily for someone else to raise??
Another consideration is really understanding that your baby only stays a baby for a little while. Soon you have a kid standing up telling you "No" and "Mine". Thats just the begining! Let me go back though to those sweet baby days. It's not only cute and cuddly stuff. I'm sure your aware of night time feedings, dirty diapers and the usual stuff. What you may not be aware of is some other stuff.
I as a Mother of 5 can tell you about some of those things. As I'm sure you already know, all babies are different. They have there own very special surprises. First for us there was colic. Which happens with some babies and they just cry, and cry, forever it seems, and nothing you can do quiets them. You try the football carry, you try the sound of a vacuum running, you try musical lullabye tapes, and car rides, etc. Most of these things work but only for a short time then they begin to cry again. Colic can last anywhere between 6 weeks and 3 months. Another great unexpected treat is projectile vomiting!! Yes it is just as bad as it sounds. Usually babies just spit up a little here and there, but sometimes you get one that projectile vomits. When that happens, you have vomit violently erupting from the babies mouth and shooting about 5 feet across the room!! Imagine the joy in cleaning that up? While we are on subject of vomiting there is also those babies who are born and there stomachs just haven't quite matured enough, which is totally normal in babies. What it causes though, is for every bottle you feed them, it seems at least half comes back up! When my oldest Son was the baby my Husband and I would not say it's time to burb the baby. Instead we called it exactly what it was. It was time to puke the baby!!
Then of course, there is diarhea that could happen at any time for no reason at all it seems. If your not careful your baby will quickly develop diaper rash which is a whole new experience. If the rash is not taken care of and given air to the skin, it can start to crack and even bleed! You have to get the right meds from the Dr. Over the counter medicines just dont seem to work as well.
Something else you may have never heard of is thrush. Babies can get it from anything they put in their mouth. If you know anything about babies you know everthing goes in their mouth. Thrush is a bacterial infection that covers the inside of the baby's mouth with painful blisters making it horribly painful to eat. Of course, it's treatable but it takes time to get better. In the meantime your baby is suffering in pain and you feel helpless cause there is nothing you can do to get them better any faster.
One other consideration you need to think of is healthy and normal is not a guarantee. My youngest Daughter was born and everything seemed completely normal but when she began to walk it became clear she was severly bow-legged. From the age of around 1 yr. old till a little past 3 years old she had to be in complete leg braces at all times to correct the disformity. She even had to learn to sleep with those heavy bulky things strapped onto her. She had just learned to walk and when the leg braces came, not only did she have to learn to walk with them on, but she had to relearn how to even get up off the floor!!!
These are just a few of the things I have experienced over the years. I haven't even touched on allergic reactions, immunizations, teething pain, various injuries that can range anywhere between skinned knees, slammed and injured teeth from falling against a curb at 3 years old, or broken arms from falling wrong on what looked like plush thick soft grass!!!
I haven't spoke of the intense pain involved with giving birth to a living human being, or the stitches sewn in that area between the vagina and anus after having been cut to allow enough room for the baby to pass through. Nor have I shared with you the frustration of dealing with schools when your child just wont behave or complete his work like he is supposed to.
As the parent you are supposed to be able to fix, treat, or control all these things. In the most ideal of situations Motherhood is a tall order. I can tell you honestly, My kids and the joy they have brought me over the years is worth it all, but I'm sure glad I didn't have to face it when I was a teen. Truthfully, I dont know that I could have handled it as well and I know my kids would have been the one's to suffer because of my inability to cope.
Children deserve the best you can offer of yourself and the things they need and want. Don't make the mistake of cheating yourself or your babies out of the calm, patient, and capable Mom you can someday be.
Keep in mind your friends have to say it's all so great. They are in that position now, like it or not. So of course, they have to say all good things. Not to would be admitting their kids would be better off had they been born to Mom's who already had there life together and their minds in the right place! Do your baby a huge favor. Wait till you can give it all it deserves in life, including A Mom who is really ready to be A Mom. Be Smart, Take Care, and Take your time creating the life and family your baby deserves to enter into.
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Rating: 5
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wow so much i had no idea about. thanks!
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