I'm Kayla, I'm basically on here to give people my honest &' best advice. Sometimes i need advice too. The only thing you need to know is that i have a boyfriend& a beautiful pitbull that i love with all my heart :D ask away!
Website: THEPRiNCESSiSHERE
E-mail: daylaaa@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia Beach VA
Age: 16
Member Since: December 9, 2006
Answers: 47
Last Update: March 12, 2008
Visitors: 3755
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This will be a long question; apologies, but it's complicated.
Background: I once fell head over heels for a girl (call her "Jane"). She and I were friends, but I lacked the courage to try for more. Right before she moved away, I realized it was my last chance to make a move, so I kissed her goodbye. Later, through letters and phone calls, I told her I was in love with her, and she said she felt the same - though I was never really convinced that she felt as strongly as I did. Eventually, she told me she was involved with someone else, and I broke off contact in order to get over her and move on. We had sporadic communication for a while, then finally lost touch completely.
Fast-forward 15 years. I'm thirtysomething, happily married, have kids, but I've never really forgotten Jane (do we ever forget our first love?) Just for kicks, I entered her name into Google, and to my surprise I actually found her. We exchanged e-mail, and then she called me.
Here's where it starts to get complicated, because I expected we would just say "Hey, it's really great to hear from you again, we should stay in touch, blah blah blah," exchange abbreviated versions of our lives so far, and then more or less go back to what we were doing. What I never expected in a million years was that she's actually been thinking about me all this time, that she's still in love with me, and that (to be brutally honest) I've still got strong feelings for her.
I LOVE MY WIFE. I would never leave her, or jeopardize my marriage. I recognize that whatever feelings I have for Jane, they're based on an idealized version of someone I put on a pedestal twenty years ago, and haven't seen since. My question is NOT about whether I should explore an intimate relationship with Jane at this point - the answer to that is "No."
What I need is advice on how to handle this from here. Jane does mean a lot to me and I want to be a friend to her (real friends, not "we can just be friends"), but I don't want to break her heart. Furthermore, I don't want my wife to get the wrong idea (she knows that I got back in touch with Jane - I don't keep secrets from her). No matter how I slice it, I don't see this turning out well. If I had ever considered that Jane might still feel so strongly about me, I would not have resumed contact with her, but what's done is done. Heck, I never really thought she was EVER truly in love with me, let alone that she still is!
In a nutshell -
- I want to avoid breaking Jane's heart.
- I want to stay in touch with her, because she's someone I care about.
- I want to assure my wife that she is still, and always, the real love of my life and more important than anything to me.
Can anyone help me?
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I'm here to help you, don't worry.
Look the way i see it is Jane broke your heart; she told you she found someone else when you wanted to be with her. Now she wants you back, well that's just too bad. Nomatter how she feels you have a life now and your married so she has no choice but to accept it. When you talk to her next, just explain nicely to her about all the stuff i'm giving you advice on now. You have to tell her how you feel and she may take it the wrong way but there is nothing you can do. I'm a girl myself, and i've did that to someone before. I told them i was still in love with them but i truly wasn't. I don't believe she still loves you, if she loved you she would of took the chance she had along time ago. Hope i helped.
PK
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Rating: 5
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It's not what I wanted to hear, but it's probably what I needed to hear. My essential problem is that I can't stop thinking "What If?", but I guess I'm going to need to make myself stop and, once again, move on. Thank you!
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