Member Since: July 30, 2007
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Last Update: September 7, 2009
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Adri
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I just got out of a relationship of about 11 months, and it was my longest relationship and also a very abusive, crazy one. I finally broke up with him in December and while I was slowly ending it with him I actually met someone new that I realized I had feelings for. This new guy (Mike) is 4 years older than me, age doesn't matter to us now though, but my problem, is that he doesn't show constant love towards me. If he does its like on and off, its never all the time since we've been seeing each other. When I try to talk to Mike about it he says it's because sometimes he doesn't "trust" me because we've had a lot of problems in the past. I'll name some so you can understand the relationship better.
One night I had a bunch of people at my house and we were all drinking, I started to get really drunk and I pretty soon couldn't even stand up by myself, so i started leaning on Mikes cousin (Mike wasn't near me, and his cousin was sitting in a chair unlike the rest of us so that was easier to lean on), so my hand was on his leg, Mike took it the wrong way and flipped out. Being drunk I obviously got really emotional, and started crying and it was really embarrassing so I just went out with a few friends and tried to blow it off. When I got back I could barely walk and everyone was yelling at me, he called me a bunch of names so I hit him. I would never do that if I was sober but thats the way I handled it because of my past relationship. He stormed off and left me, so I just slept out at a friends that night. He ended up going back to my house and slept there because he was waiting up for me, but how was I suppose to know that? The next day he came over to talk, and told me that his original plan was to never to talk to me again, and he made it seem like it was all my fault, I tried to tell him that I was drunk and I honestly didn't know what I was doing, but he just kept telling me that I was so wrong, and it was all my fault and he should hate me, so I just let him be right and told him I was sorry. I also made the decision not to drink anymore.
That was last weekend, this weekend, we've been arguing again, but not while I've been drunk, Friday night we went to a party, and he was drinking, (I wasn't) and he was acting SO amazing towards me, really lovey, always wanting to be around me, he even went to the store and bought me a rose! Later that night I questioned his "lovey dovey"-ness because he's never usually like that, and he flipped out, probably because he was drunk, and he just wanted to go downstairs and pass out, but i really wanted to work things out, so I kept going downstairs to talk to him, and everytime I would walk away, he would just fall asleep. Every time he would ever walk away from me during a fight, I would chase after him. He ended up just coming upstairs with me in my room and sleeping with me, we blew it off.
My point is, I've given up so much for him, drinking, going out all the time. and I don't think it's always my fault when we fight but I'm too scared to REALLY stick up for myself because I know he'll freak out and leave me because it's only the beginning, I've tried to tell him that he's messing with my head, but he says "fine then we're done I'm not going to mess with your head anymore" and thats not what I want! So I just deal with what he says, and hopefully we just forget about it and move on like we always do. Another thing, we're not officially Boyfriend and Girlfriend. We were before but we kept fighting like we are now so we decided just so act like we're going out? but not with the label. If he loves me he should just want to be with me shouldn't he? But I just want him in any way I can have him. Is it really all me? Am I just crazy, how can I make him want to change and show me love but not lose him completely? If you say I can't make him want to change, than what can I do? (link)
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Leave him now sweeet heart. Do you want another abusive relationship? It may not be physical ( yet) but its mental abuse for you. A man who is in love with a woman treats them with respect and not like property that he can just pick up one minute and throw away the next. He's blaming everything on you and keeping emotion and attachment far away. Really its no good for you. Please get out of the relationship now before its too late. You may think it hard no but it'll be even harder later on.
Hope I helped and Good luck sweet heart:)
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