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January 19, 2008Answers:
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February 19, 2009Visitors:
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Hello,
My son is 15 and he's always been a ''rebel''.
Me and my husband are relaxed with him, so if he wants piercings, we let him get them...but we defenetly don't let him drink or smoke.
The other day I found out that he had been having sex with his two year girlfriend. It isn't like our family believes in ''no sex before marriage'' but it was kind of shocking to me because I always though that he would wait until he was (at least) 16.
He has been out a lot lately and yesterday he came home with an eyebrow piercing. I am not against piercings at all, in fact, I love them, but he didn't even tell me that he was going to get one.
It seems to me that he's not communicating with us anymore, and he sent me a text this morning, asking whether he could go get drunk with some friends. Now, I am defenetly against drinking...but I know he will do it anyway, even if I say no!
He smokes ''socially'' as he told me, I don't approve but I cannot do anything about it. He's always been a popular boy, but I want to know how I can make him talk to us more, trust us and also, not get drunk whenever he goes out!
What do you think I should be doing?
What are some punishments I could use?
And just advice how I could feel better?
Thank you.
PS! He gets mostly A's in school, some B's and he doesn't spend his time at home on the computer or playing video games...or watching TV. He spends his free time at home playing guitar, writing songs for his band and so on...so he's not a lousy student.
I'm 15, female, and I thought you might like to know someone's point of view from a similar age?
Lots of my friends are like your son, despite being intelligent. They're all good natured, they do well, but they do have the odd bad habit. The problem is, it's always going to be hard to control teenagers. I myself am not interested in drinking or social smoking, but I have a boyfriend and have been with him for a year. If my parents knew that we were considering sex they would be very shocked too - I'd probably be kicked out! (They're not so laid back as you sound. I obey or I walk :)) The problem is when you've been in a relationship for a long time with someone and when you're our age you're inevitably interested in that sort of thing, and also, whether adults think its real or not, I really do love my boyfriend. When you know you have something like that with someone it's kind of inevitable that it could happen. There's little control anyone could have over that, apart from making sure its safe and dealt with maturely. I guess you just have to be thankful for the fact that he wasn't one those 13 year old sexually active to-be fathers. :)
Does he drink alot, do you think? Alot of teenagers drink more responsibly than parents think. I've only ever got drunk once and I told my mum - she didn't mind too much, it's my dad whose the real figure of authority - and I have to say, it was reasonably okay but I wouldn't make a habit out of it. Your son sounds like he's mature enough and hard working. I guess he just wants to live a little in his teen years which he can't really be blamed for :)
I think, if I was asked to stop drinking/smoking by my parents, I'd most likely do it if they approached me in an un-authoritarian manner, and also without being patronizing. For a start, could you ask him, from the heart, that you know you can't stop him but ask him to be responsible. Teenagers try and get away with anything! The Best parents in the world are unlikely to stop this behaviour altogether. Once we've had a taste of that kind of stuff it is very hard to stop.
As for him being distant, the fact he's told you he does these things probably signifies he's comfortable with you knowing which is just the opposite of distance. Just make sure you communicate well with him!!
I have no idea if you'll find this helpful or not. I'm not sure if I even answered the question!!!
But I very much hope I helped :)
(Rating: 5) Thank you for a teenager's point of view, I guess you understand more than I do, because I'm the 34 year old.