Member Since: September 12, 2007
Answers: 13
Last Update: September 26, 2007
Visitors: 1454
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this is going to be long, but i have to tell the whole story.
last november my grandma died. i had a hard time dealing with it. i lived with her for over a year, we slept in the same bed at night. because, we have little money, and lived in a trailor ith my whole family. i had no, no ,no room of my own. my brothers (i have 3) had to sleep, one in the other bedroom, theres only 2 bedrooms. and my other two brothers sleep on the floor in the bedroom with my brother. after my grandma died i went depressed. and i have had a boyfriend for three years then. he was there for me, and always. he was my everything and i never felt so inlove. well, i started hanging with this girl named amanda that everyone loves at school. we were seniors and she wanted to go to a frat party. i wanted to feel drunk for once in my life. i wanted to have fun. and i think i just wanted to fill the empty space that was there when my grandma died. i started just talking to amandas ex then. trying to get them back together. that was bad. this guy, (brnadon is his name) fell for me. and my boyfriend jon, knew i was talking to him and didnt care, he knew it wasnt anything to worry about. but, then i kind of fell for brandon. i think it was mostly lust. i wanted to have sexx with him. and sex with jon was great. what was wrong with me? I loved jon. he never did me wrong? I went to brandons house a few times. like the 4th time we had sex. and this went on for awhile. we didnt have sex until after i told jon i wanted a break though. so i didnt cheat. but, on my break with jon, i went to that frat party that amanda wanted me to go to, this was new years night by the way, and amanda had no idea i had sex with brandon. or that e and i had been talking since late november. its january by then. and she found out new years night, drunk with me. i lied. i thought i had to. ive never made a bigger mistake, ever, im not usually like this. and she ofcourse, stopped talking to me. rumors went on at school, saying horrbile things. most untrue. it was my fault. and sex with brandon tho, was never better. THE best i had. anyhow, amanda gave jon a favor, not sex. something else. and she was trying to hurt me back. poor jon, i hurt him and he did that with her, to hurt me. look what i did.! uhh. end of feruary came, i stopped being DUMB and jon and i got back together. happyily. after my freakout. i never talked to brandon when me and jon got back together. until last week. yes i thought of him sometimes, but duh. i was with him for 2 months. and now, hes been sending me messages on myspace, and i ,i i like to talk to him. why??? im happy with jon, i am. my advice is, can you tell me why, why im selfish, and pathetic. i know, i made huge mistakes. and i still want to talk to brndon why? the day before me and jon got back together, i told brandon i couldnt do it anymore and i was going back with jon. but me and brandon never had the title of girl/boy/friends. just that we were dating/having sex. and uhh. i hurt him too. then him and amanda got more complicated. look what i did /. im going to hell for sining. and i pray everynight, regretting it. yet, i want to talk to brandon now? why? am i dumb, how much attention do i think i need, really. ugh. HELP. (link)
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things like this i know what you mean, i have been through this and it went on for two years.
but see at the end i was the one that called it quits with both not because i cared about them both because i did i loved on and had fun with the other. i to was confused with all of this, but i started to think about what i was doing and in my thoughts i realized that i was not in love with my boyfriend after all and i could never see myself with a person that was still in love with my best friend and that went to other girls for sex.
what i did was i thought not only what would be best for me but for them also what would happen if i kept on.
if you think that you can go on like this then hey more power to guys do it to girls all the time but if you have a heart and it sounds like you do then you'll know what to do.
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