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December 31, 2006Answers:
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July 12, 2007Visitors:
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I (21/f) have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend (22/m). It started putting stress on our relationship when we moved in together at the beginning of this year. First, please don't tell me to masturbate. I do. It doesn't help. Physically, yes of course it helps, but I'd rather be with my boyfriend than with myself all the time. I don't have a problem with him masturbating, but when I think that he has, I get jealous because I feel that he isn't meeting my needs and he should have involved me since I'm the one with the higher sex drive. I know these thoughts are very selfish, wrong, and most of all, hypocritical. That's why I'm asking for help.
Things are made worse by the fact that he is the dominant one sexually and I am more submissive. He is always the one to initiate. I will always be submissive and I enjoy being so, so that's not going to change. Even so, I get so upset about things at times that I attempt to initiate, but nothing ever ends up happening, frustrating me even more. All of this makes me often feel that my boyfriend is not sexually attracted to me, which hurts our relationship further since, duh, he is.
I'm looking for a mature way to handle this that preferably doesn't involve him. I'm looking for a way to get rid of all of these inaccurate, negative feelings on my own. I don't want to threaten his masculinity and I've already tried talking to him about it. We argued for awhile, then talked about it maturely, but didn't really get anywhere. He says that he already does things for me sexually when he's not really feeling up to it himself. He told me that I was making it sound like I want our relationship to be based on sex and that sex is all I care about. That's not in the least bit true. He knows that, but I obviously didn't go about things the right way if he got that impression from me.
This isn't going to cause us to split up or anything, but it's making me moody and difficult to be around. I feel really bad for my boyfriend for having to put up with all of this.
So,
Is there a way to talk about this with my boyfriend and actually get somewhere?
How would you feel if you knew that your significant other had this problem?
How can I get rid of the inaccurate, negative feelings that this situation is causing me to have?
Is there anything that I haven't tried that might help?
I hope to get an answer from someone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you.
(Rating: 4) Yeah exactly. Well, it does make me feel a lot better to know that other girls have this problem! :)