about

I'm Shelagh.
I found this site when I decided it's time to stop sitting around watching people struggling and actually do something about it.
I'm a full time musician at the minute.
Occassionally I work at a recording studio.
I do wish to chase a career in music, but at the same time I understand the lack of security in that and so in a way Im still trying to figure out where Im going in life.
Although it makes life a lot more interesting if you dont know where you're going I guess.
Im new here, but Im eager to help, so do feel free to drop me a line, regardless of who you are.
Im here to listen and offer advice if it's requested. So feel free to chat away like.
Check out my myspace to find out more about me if you want: www.myspace.com/shelaghmonaghan
I write tons of essays and rants on there about life and such.

advice

I used to be a very self conscious in the past and I've managed to overcome it after that; but now I'm back to that same old self conscious person again!! Argh! I hate it, but i can't stop it. I'm confident of my looks; but the reason why I'm so self conscious is because I kinda want people to be thinking that I look pretty whnever I catch them looking at me OR when they're talking to me. That's why, whenver I'm with people, I will like try to look out of the corner of my eye and see if they're looking at me, and I will like keep adjusting my hair.

And you know when you are self conscious, you will just have that kind of "act pretty" look on your face which is like really disgusting if you see it from a third person's point of view. I hope ya know what I mean? So my point is, how do you not be so self conscious? Don't tell me to just ignore what people think of me because I really cant do that. And its difficult not just for me but for everyone else because everyone likes to have people thinking that they're pretty or good looking in their mind.

The thing is, I've tried to advice myself on this matter but I can't seem to heed my own advice!! So I'd really appreciate sincere words of advice.

Greetings.
Ok for a start, I understand your point of view, everyone is self concious to a certain degree. EVERYONE. Regardless of whether they say "I dont care what people think of me"..that my friend is a lie! Everyone cares even just by a little bit.
It's in human nature to.
I think alot of self concious issues are caused by everyone been shown these images in the media of "beautiful women" and taught that that is what beauty is.

I suggest watching this video from Dove Evolution:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT4dpFpiTgk

Our perception of beauty these days has been so warped. I have an on going discussion with my friends on trying to find out what real beauty is.
We've come to the conclusion it doesnt have a lot to do with physical appearance.
And what was originally considered physically attractive hundreds of years ago (big hips, long hair, good at child bearing..look at old paintings of women in the 1700's and such, these women arent anything like what beautiful is portrayed as today) is nothing like today's perception.

I dont think the problem is being self concious, because you will never not be completely, even if you try, the problem is more with yourself I think.
Focusing on your physically beauty is probably because you might feel that it's your only good quality?
That you dont have much else to offer other than physical beauty?
It's about being comfortable with yourself. People's interest should not be used to measure your worth. Take into account that most people's perception of beauty is warped due to modern day media putting emphasis that you MUST be with "beautiful looking people".
Anyone of real worth to you will be attracted to you for your overall beauty, not just physical appearance.
Take relationships for example, looks do not make relationships last, talking and common interests and concern for one another keep relationship going. When you're old and grey and married, looks will mean absoutely nothing.

My advice is not to ignore what people think of you, just be aware of the fact that what they think you look like doesnt matter in the end, because you will not gain anything truly of great importance through physical appearance.
Looks may draw most people in, but its substance and personality that make them stay.
And personally I think anyone of worth knows that physical beauty is sooo unimportant really in the end.
Care what people think, but just dont worry too much about their opinions on your looks, because if you want people that will give you care and love then they will see past your looks.

Learn to be comfortable with yourself completely, looks and personality wise. Once you are comfortable with yourself you will become confident and not have to worry about what people think. You will KNOW they think well of you, because you are a great person.

It's more a issue of self esteem than self conciousness.

If you need more advice or to talk then feel free to contact me.
Hope I've helped!

- Shelagh

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(Rating: 5) That was really great advice. Thank you so much.
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