Member Since: December 1, 2006
Answers: 8
Last Update: December 20, 2006
Visitors: 1312
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Basically, I used to be a really good child. Not always the nicest, but most of the time my parents could stand me, and I never did drugs or anything really horrible. Around the time of Feb. some things happened with my mom, and I basically crashed. I hated her so much, and my dad turned the whole guilt trip God thing on me. I started smoking cigs, and weed, I always lie to my parents when I go somewhere, and I'm a total and complete bitch. I take every oppurtunity to get what I want, so I take advantage of people. I'm behind on credits because I've failed so many classes. I just gave up being so good, cause it felt like no matter what I did, somehow I'd get bit in the ass for it. Well its december now, I have no relationship what-so-ever with my dad or mom. When I get home, I call my boyfriend, and go sit in my room, or sit at the computer. I used to be really into church, and now I hate it and don't really believe in it anymore because all the people at that church are full of shit. I'm constantly watched by the congregation because they think my boyfriend and I are gonna go off and have sex behind the buildings or down the street (which would never happen.) We have gone off and smoked a few times and got caught tho, haha. But I really don't know what to do, it's starting to bother me a little bit. My dad told my sister that basically I'm "breaking his heart," because of the way I've been acting. He knows everything I do, I don't hide it at all, because there's really no point in hiding stuff like this. What should I do? It really sucks because my dad is so stressed out right now. We may loose our house and have to move. My parents have worked really hard to get our house, but now we just can't afford it. And, I don't want to quit smoking, it really does help me to chill out because I get so stressed so easily. Along with being addicted, it's extremely hard to quit so whatever. The whole weed thing was getting bad though, because the last 3 times I've smoked it, were because I was upset and I wanted to get away for a while. So I'm trying to not do that, I don't buy it anymore so I'm not gonna really have a problem with that. I guess I feel bad because I'm upsetting my dad, I could care less about my mom, she's never home anyway. Her and I will never have a relationship because we never get along no matter what, and she keeps to herself and never really talks to me about anything. I know I should change, but I don't really want to. I'm not depressed or anything. I have amazing friends, i'm in love with my boyfriend who is one of my most incredible guys I have ever known, I'm somewhat fine with the way I look, and I pretty much get what I want. I kind of always pictured this time of my life to be different. I figured I'd have different friends, look more like a girl instead of a somewhat gothed out chick, I thought I'd have a different relationship with my parents, like more close. Idk, it's hard, I know its bad for me, but I don't care..but I do. That probably doesn't make sense, but I just don't know what to think or feel anymore. (link)
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O.K. so i have never smoked or anything like that but i know about the bitch thing. my parents got divorced and my dads been drinking alcohol and other things since i was little. I felt like there was a brick wall gaurding my heart from anyone who tried to get close to me. I was a complete bitch to my mom and the rest of my family. my grades started slipping and i really didn't care. I started ditching my friends to hang out with different people who probably weren't a very good influence but i really didn't care. And about the God guilt thing? oh yeah, my dad did that to me to. you know, it was the "you should read your bible and pray and go to church" or my personal favorite, "would Jesus act like this or say this or do this??" that didn't help any it just pissed me off more. so you used to be a "good christian??" well thats what i always said "i used to be." but just because you don't think you are anymore doesn't mean God's not there every single day of your life watching over you and loving you no matter what you do. when you feel like you wanna change then just ask God to make a change. but don't say it till you mean it cuzz if you don't mean it nothing will happen.Once you do ask God to help you, just take it a day at a time. thats how i had to do it. I got tired of getin in trouble all the time and being a cold hard bitch so i asked God to help me and slowly but surely he did. I'm not saying i'm like some perfect angel now because i've still got a lot of issues, but at least i feel better when i look in the mirror. God can give you the happiness you feel when you smoke weed and he can take away the addiction for cigs. He can fix the relationship with your mom and help you with your grades. You just have to ask. Give it to God. You can't carry the weight of the world forever.
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Rating: 5
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i totally understand what you're saying. but quiet honestly, i feel nothing from God anymore. i thought i did when i was younger, but i think it was more like i wanted to feel something and convinced myself that i did. it's really hard for me to care about something i cant see, or touch. and i know i should have faith, but i don't. its hard. thanks for your help tho. :)
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