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advice

I'm torn and at a loss. I'm very close friends with a married couple. The husband has become like my brother. He's very protective of me and has been there for me more than I could ever ask for. I go to church with him, his wife, kids, and his parents. Well, a little over a year ago me and my fiance broke up and I got into the whole partying scene with his wife. One night, this guy was over at their house and she was prancing in front of this guy in a short tshirt and thongs. I ignored it. Then at this party a month or so later, a bunch of us were playing poker and it turned into strip poker. I quit, but she continued playing (she was the only woman playing). She was sitting in a guy's lap and the only thing she was down to was her thongs and cowboy hat. I felt this alone was cheating. Well, things went a little further that night and she told me that her and him kissed. But I feel it may have went further than that. They continued calling each other for a week or so after this happened. I urged her to stop. She'd admit that it was bad, but she would continue. So, I backed off and got back in church. This summer we started hanging out again, and before I know it - I'm pulled right back into the same situation - knowing and seeing her mess with this guy. I've recently found out that she's been with a few more guys that I know. It's so hard for me - I want to tell her husband so bad because it's unfair to him. But I've vowed to stay out of it.

More bad news...I've fallen for her husband hard. Feelings I've never felt before, I'm feeling for him. Sometimes the way he looks at me and talks to me - I feel he may feel the same way. My mom believes he feels feelings for me also but he's trying so hard to make his marriage work. His mother has made comments to me and my mom before that she wishes he would have met me before his current wife because he would date me in a heartbeat. I've backed off from him because I know I don't need to feel the way I do. But he'll call me or will come see me and I just break down b/c it hurts so much. I just dont know what to do. Can someone help me and steer me into a direction that's right? I don't feel I'm in a position to be a homewrecker...

I completely agree with Ahnee! I have had similar situation happen to someone I know. Except, she was not in love with the husband. She was just very close friends with him and his wife.

She tried staying out of it, but before long she was pulled into the web of lies that entangled her friend's wife. She could not take it any more and cut off all contact with her friend's wife. This made the husband think and he ended up catching his wife making regular trips to another city just to have an affair with some guy.

BUT she now does not see either of them. The woman blamed her for the husband finding out and the husband hated her for not telling him.

I think that if you vowed to stay out of it, then you should stick to your vows. Yet, another part of me thinks that honesty is the best policy. If you decide to tell him what you know, he needs to understand how torn you are about all of this. You want to stay loyal to both friends, but how can you when one wants you to keep secrets.

Personally, I think it would be disrespectful to keep this from him. What his wife is doing is wrong and she will keep doing it unless someone forces her to face her demons.

Ultimately, you should do what you would want someone to do for you in this situation.

Good Luck and Keep me posted.

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(Rating: 5) I know this is kinda late, but I thought I would give you an update as well. The marriage hit an even rockier road and he called me one night to talk to me. He was upset and beating himself up about some of the problems in the marriage (i.e. one of her friends kissed him and his wife walked in). His wife has been blaming all of their marital problems on him and making him out the bad guy. In the midst of it, it was eating me up. I casually asked him if she ever cheated on him and he sighed and said not to his knowledge and why. I just said that I was wondering. He said, has she ever eluded you to believe that she may have? I said, I don't know. I'm not getting into it. He said, no. I need to know. So, I broke down crying and told him everything and he went home and confronted her with all of it. She denied it at first and said that I misunderstood. She eventually come clean and told him the truth.

Thanks to the good Lord above, neither one of them are mad with me and both have called me numerous times telling me how much I mean to them and how much they love me. They've assured me that if things don't work out, they're still friends with me and love me and that they are not upset with me because I was honest. His wife even sincerely apologized to me for ever putting me in those positions. Thanks so much for you advice, I truly appreciate it. I held out until the right moment when I felt it was appropriate.
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