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What should I do?
by Minuk Choi

For you,
I would gladly walk a mile,
if that would give me a chance
to see you smile.

I'd call you my friend,
but that's a lie.
You mean more to me,
but I can't explain why.

For you are more precious to me
than all of the world's gold,
but I can't tell you that,
how can I be that bold?

If I spoke what's on my mind,
would you accept me?
Because without you,
I don't know where I'd be.

You seem to be calm,
while I feel absolutely lost.
I would like to be so bold,
but what would its failure cost?

Am I the only one faced with this choice?
Be daring and risk losing you as a friend too?
I can't risk that; I'd rather have that then lose everything.
What should I do?

advice

my boyfriend and i are really close. we've been together for a long time, and we usualy have a lotta fun together. hes a real sweet guy and always has been, but until recently (meaning the last few months) hes been smoking pot with his friends. the fact that he does it doesnt bother me as much as the fact that he'll leave parties that hes hanging out with me at to go smoke with his friends. it pisses me off so much. basically: he ditches me for his friends and drugs. they pressure him into it. i tell him it pisses me off, but i dont know what to do.

please help =/

Sincerely,
*i want my boyfriend back*

Okay let's see if we can figure this out. He is obviously getting something he needs from smoking with these friends, aside from the obvious that he is getting high. There's many reasons, acceptance, feeling a part of something, eleviating his boredom, and well just having fun. Though he is making a rather poor choice it is still his business and he will defintely only act worse towards you if you are always getting mad at him or trying to stop him, especially if his friends see this, they will put there two cents in and tell him to get his girl "in check" and tell her to stop "trying to control you." However as the girlfriend you have the right to be upset about feeling neglected, it's one thing if he goes out with his friends in the first place, but when he goes somewhere with you then ditches you to go get high then his priorities are defintely screwed up. Hopefully this won't happen but if he continues with this he will only get worse, weed will become his whole life if he doesn't have confidence or self-control. Not everyone is like that but when you are young you tend to focus on one big thing at a time, and when it's drugs then it's all about getting high, when they are gonna do it, how often, and what happened when they were messed up. Have you tried talking to him seriously about it? Not right when it's happening but when you are alone and he is not high? You need to tell him how you feel and let him know you are not trying to control him but that you just want to spend time with him and if it's something you can't accept and something he won't stop doing ask him to respect you and not do it when you are around. Whatever you do don't get pulled into it, you sound like you have no interest in it but sometimes we compromise our beliefs and feelings to make someone else happy, to make ourselves happy and it always ends up doing the opposite. Good luck with this and feel free to ask me anymore questions you may have.

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