Member Since: June 29, 2006
Answers: 3
Last Update: June 29, 2006
Visitors: 751
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I have an emotional dilemma. I have a male friend who I have known for over 25 years. We talk at least three times a day, discuss politics and history, like the same movies and books, grew up in the same neighborhood, enjoy the same lifestyles. We’ve been through a lot together and he has always been generous to me, and helped me in my business and personal life.
However, we both have had two marriages each to other people (we're both divorced right now). I never felt a physical attraction to him, that is, until just in the past eight months. To my surprise, he’s a passionate lover. I find myself feeling things for him that I’ve never felt before.
Now we have to decide whether to be together, but there’s a problem. I don’t think we want the same things in relationships. He says that I have to give up trying to control the relationship, and I say a relationship is a 50-50 proposition. I think he punishes me by withholding affection and being critical, and he says if I feel that way I should move on. He says he wants me to be submissive to him, but that just seems like the start of an abusive relationship to me. He says I'm just used to being in charge all the time and he's not having it.
I suspect his attitude is probably one of the reasons why he hasn’t had successful marriages, but I haven't been a success at marriage either. I just can’t see clearly right now. Should I at least try to change to accommodate him or should I just move on???
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Take it from me...I married my best friend. We have been HAPPILY married for 6 years now! It was weird in the beginning when we started dating because I never looked at him in "that way" but we quickly got past that. The benefits of being with someone you are friends with first is that there is no pretending. You know him, he knows you...You have to be upfront and honest with each other fron the start. You need to sit down together and decide what you want to do. If you don't think your differences will mesh well together, then don't go there. You certainly don't want to ruin a friendship if the relationship goes sour. But if you can compromise and learn to live with each other it may be the best thing you have ever done. Like I said, sit down together and talk...even put your pros and cons down on paper. Be honest with each other, and yourself. That's what my husband and I did 6 years ago...I have never been happier. I hope this helps!
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Rating: 5
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Well said and now you've given me a plan. Compromise is the key. The great thing really is we can say anything we want to each other and it's honest. Can't get that just anywhere. Thanks for the advice...
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