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Holler at your girl with your wack-ass problems and she'll get back at you with some stellar advice on how you should live your life and make decisions. She's that nice with advice.

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Carollani is NOT a health professional or clinical psychologist; if you have serious medical, mental, or emotional problems then see a physician.

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5 yrs ago I dated a guy for 4 months and he dumped me out of the blue. Last year we started dating again and it's been absolutely perfect for 14 months! he's been a bachelor forever (he's 43) and i'm sure this is the longest he's ever been with someone. we got a puppy and have both fallen in love with him and are training and raising him together. I spend most nights at his place, but still own my own place too. Does anybody think this will work out for the long term? not necessarily marriage, but a committed relationship? and How do I get him to say it??? Thanks in advance.

It sounds like things are going great! All except for the fact that you apparently can't even ask him about his expectations regarding your relationship with him. I've said it before and I'll say it again: open and direct communication is paramount in any relationship.

Do you really think a stranger is going to be able to tell you if your relationship is going to last? Of course not! But then again, of course I'll try. Heh.

Let's face it: he's not getting any younger so settling down is probably in the back of his mind somewhere. It's also a good sign that you two got and are raising a puppy together; it shows that he's not afraid of commitment, and it also shows he's nurturing (but I'm sure you already knew that.)

If you're serious about this man then it's time to ask him if he's serious about you. He probably feels like he's already showing you that he's serious, and it does sound as if he has been, so just strike up a conversation about the future with him. It doesn't need to be a big "We need to talk" kind of event, you can keep it easy and casual in a number of ways:

You could start it off by poking fun at the fact that you're asking a typical "girl" question--this way his initial anxieties can be laughed off and he'll be able to answer you without feeling tense.

At a romantic dinner together you can ask the question by not asking anything, but by telling him your expectations and hopes for the future. Something like, "I've really enjoyed these last 14 months, I love raising our puppy together, and I love spending time with you. I just want you to know that I hope the next 14 months are just as amazing." He'll undoubtedly respond with his own expecations, and with this exchange you'll have opened up that line of communication with him that you'll need to sustain the relationship.

You could start up a game of the beloved "Truth or Dare." Start it out silly and fun, and just when he's been lulled into a false sense of security drop the bomb on him! Haha, just kidding. There's seriously no reason why asking him outright should be terrifying for either of you if you're both happy and having fun together.

Be brave and just do it!

Carollani

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(Rating: 5) Thank you so much for replying with REAL ideas on how to bring up the security subject. I appreciate your time immensely.
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