My name is Marissa, and I am a sex advisor/educator. It is my life mission to help people to understand sex, pleasure, and relationships...as well as to help those who have been victims of sexual assault find their way back to sexual pleasure and positivity.
I have worked in this field for quite some time, and am a researcher as well. Please let me know if you have any questions, and I would be happy to dig in and help you find your pleasure! :)
Member Since: April 18, 2006
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Last Update: June 3, 2006
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karenR
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Me and my boyfriend have sex. But whenever we do, he can only last like 2-5 mins. He has no idea why. Before with his ex he said he used to be able to last like 20 mins+. Is there anything that he or I can do to make him last longer? (link)
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Eager ejaculation is a very common issue, and there are definitely ways to overcome (ha!) this phenomenon. :)
First, here are some things NOT to do:
- Do not look to alcohol to slow ejaculation. While it can produce the desired effect, it can also make it very difficult for your parter to get an erection in the first place. Heck, why not be sober for your pleasure?
- Don't stop touching your partner, thinking that will help. What's the point of having sexual contact if...you're not having sexual contact? How frustrating to stop in the middle...there are better approaches.
- Guys...don't try the multiplication table, or any other disassociative tricks to take your mind off of the situation. Why on EARTH would you want to take your mind off of SEXUAL PLEASURE? Silly. :P
Now that we have those out of the way, here are some things that you CAN do.
- No one says that you just have to have one orgasm! Lucky you! Masturbation before partnered sex can be very helpful to longevity.
- Guys...read some books on male multiple orgasm. Yes, I said MALE multiple orgasm. Never heard of it? Guess what? Guys can actually orgasm...WITHOUT ejaculation! The lovely side effect of that phenomenon is that they continue to be erect, but the intensity of the orgasm backs off, allowing them to rev up again...while maintaining hardness. Wild!
Recommended reading: The Multi-Orgasmic Man: How Any Man Can Experience Multiple Orgasms and Dramatically Enhance His Sexual Relationship by Chia and Arava.
There are also erection, or "cock" rings, which will trap the blood in the penis, which makes for a harder and more sensitive erection. I don't mention this first, like many would, because it can sometimes have the reverse effect. Some men find that all of that blood trapped in their penis makes them VERY sensitive, which actually hurries along ejaculation. It's all very much an individual choice.
The fun part is that it's all experimentation. Don't like that he gets off too fast? After he has his first orgasm, keep going...take a breather, slow things down a bit, and then start back up again. Experiment with multiple orgasms, erection rings, or early masturbation to see which techniques work for you. I can think of worse ways to spend a day, couldn't you?
One more bit of advice...this is obviously a sensitive and embarassing issue for men. Playing the blame game, or giving him flack for it, will only make it worse. Be encouraging, and let him know that you're a partner on the path to a prolonged erection...he'll thank you in great ways, I'm sure. :)
Good luck!
Marissa
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Rating: 5
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wow, very in depth. that you soooooooo very much. we will have to try some of these things.
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