violet911's

advice column

about

advice

Ok... I'm in desprate need of some advice. I was involved in an abusive relationship ( i ended it last year in January) I have since then graduated from high school. When i was in high school I had a little crush on my spanish teacher (i was 18 he was 24), never thought much of it, but i was up at my old school the other day and i saw him again and feelings resurfaced. We talked for a while and he asked me out. This is the first relationship i have even considered entering since ending my abusive one...and i'm not sure if i'm doing the right thing ... please don't say that " i'll know when I'm ready" because thats all i've heard latley ... and it doesn't help...because i'm so confused about the entire thing that i don't know anything anymore.

Thanks so much
*i rate*

Abusive relationships are very difficult to move past. There's no set time where it's ok to jump back into the dating pool and everything will be smooth. Your trust has been deeply affected and that's something that takes a very long time to heal.

Remember, each person is an individual. If you feel stronger, more sure of yourself, I don't think it would hurt to go on a date with this man. Take things as slow as you need to. Don't scare yourself into not getting involved. If you hold onto that fear for too long, you're letting your ex control you subconsciously.

I'm very happy to hear you ended the relationship. It's one of the most difficult things to do, and the fact that you did shows that you're already stronger than you were. As I said, go ahead, and enjoy yourself. Take it at the speed you need to so YOU feel comfortable.

[view]