I have a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Capella University and an undergraduate in Psychology from Rutgers University. I am currently writing a book about relationships, self-esteem and communication problems. I have answered questions on EVERY topic..NOTHING is too "weird" for me to answer. The juicier, the better. I am a former model who decided I could do more good in the world if I became a part of the solution. I am open and check my email daily. ASK AWAY!!!
E-mail: open4advice@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: New Jersey
Occupation: Counselor/Therapist/Educator
Age: 32
Member Since: November 1, 2005
Answers: 26
Last Update: November 8, 2005
Visitors: 3831
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I have been dating this man for almost 2 yrs. We met on the internet and he was just getting out of a bad divorce. We were dating for almost 3 months and he left me. He said its not me its him and he had some things to clear out of his head. I was broken hearted but I understood. 2 weeks later we got back together and 2 weeks later he left-still confused-i still understood. 3 months passed and i missed him so and we started talking again-we got back together. He sold his house and moved in with me and my 2 children. He has also has a son. Things were very good and in April he asked me to marry him-of course i accepted. Ii was planning the weeding for 2007 and he moved it up to 2006. I was ecstatic so i was planning our wedding. There were times when we argued and yes i take blame for some of them. The last argument we had was b/c of the internet and things i found him going on. Well he kept saying it wasnt him and he did not look that stuff up-cookies did it--whatever. Well things escalated from there and one day he said he cant do this any more its not me its him,he doesnt want to be engaged or get married or be with anyone and he left. I was never engaged before so of course i will be all excited. He was married for 10 yrs and yes its scary for him,but why did he leave? The week he left he got distant from me and i knew something was wrong but i didnt think he was going to leave for a 3rd time. He moved up to his parents like 10 minutes from my house. I still talk to him and off and on he comes over. I miss him so much and ask him to come home--but he says its not that easy it was hard to leave he cant just come back.I understand that kind of but if he loves me why is he not coming back? what does he need to think about? I miss him so much but he wont tell me he misses me unless i ask-or he wont tell me he loves me-sometimes he does when i say it other times he says "I know". I am so confused and i know i need to let him go and let him be but it is so hard. What do I do?He knows i want him to come home,he knows i love him,he klnows we can move as slow as we need to we dont need to rush,but yet he wont come back. What can I do? Please help.
thank you
27yr old female (link)
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A man will do to you whatever you allow him to. He knows it is easy for him to come and go whenver he pleases for you gave him the excuse to when you took him back all those times. I don't mean to be harsh (but I am the TRUE Advice Diva and I would rather tell you the truth than have you just be blind). He knows all of the things you told him-"we can take it slow", "I want him to come home", "I love him"..etc but yet you ask why he is not coming home to you?? The answer is that HE NEVER LOST OR LEFT YOU so he doesn't know how to be orwhat it would truely be like to be without you. I mean it this way, he can still have you on his own basis when he wants to WITHOUT having the heavy commitment he knows you want. He can tell you the excuses that seem logical to you based on his recent break-up and he knows you will accept them. I have been through this before myself and I wondered WHY!!!I am a great catch, I love this man,I give him everything and yet and still he leaves me, he hurts me and I am alone again. You have to stand up for yourself and above all, respect yourself. Maybe this is God's way(or your higher power) telling you that he is not the one. He has baggage that he has never"unpacked" from his last relationship. With you it was a "new climate" but he still had the same "baggage" he packed from his last relationship or "trip". TRUST ME..when you LEAST expect it, and you are NOT looking for it, your prince will come. I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary this past July and I went through the same things you are going through now. It will be okay, but YOU are the only one who can make it that way. Concentrate on the things that make YOU happy, thethings you want to accomplish in YOUR life aside from marriage. NO ONE CAN LOVE YOU BETTER THAN YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF.
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