E-mail:
calamityz6789@yahoo.comLocation:
Georgia (U.S.A)Member Since:
June 6, 2005Answers:
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July 7, 2005Visitors:
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I am open minded and try to be as tactful and honest as possible. When looking at a question I attempt to understand all perspectives so that I can give the best possible solutions. I think that anonymity is best when answering questions, so I leave out most of the details about me. I really would like to help! I appreciate all feedback, so please let me know what you think. Thanks, Calamityz
advice
I recently started dating a guy with a very very close family. I am 22, he is 24, and still living with his parents while he saves up to buy a house. The problem is that I'm starting to see signs of his parents making too many decisions for his life.
First of all, he is christian, and quite religious. Me and him have made the decision to wait to have sex, at least for now. I think this is a personal decision that is between me and him.
He stays at my house sometimes, and has already slept in the same bed at me while staying at my mothers house, at my house, and at my sisters house. There is not a problem with this because we are both adults, and are very capable of making out own decisions.
But, recently he told me that he doesn't think he should stay at my house anymore because his parents are already getting suspicious. He has already told him that we're not having sex, but, apparently, they don't believe him, and are trying to stop anything from happening.
Another thing is that I'm planning a trip to Florida, and he really wants to go. He is allowed two weeks vacation from work, and would only need one week. The problem is that he works for his father. I would not see a problem if his father told him "I don't think I can give you the time off, because I need your help here" But, instead, he said "I don't think you should go because you need to save your money"
This guy is 24 and is capable of making his own decisions on where he sleeps at night and what he spends his own money on.
I'm wondering how I could make this clear to him, that it bothers me, without making it uncomfortable. I do not want to make things uncomfortable for me and his parents, him and his paretns, or me and him. Any advice would be much appreciated.
I do not think that you are being unreasonable, but there is no nice way to talk about this. This guy is being led by his parents, and he may not evne want to grow up. When is he planing on buying this house? Next month or in two years? If things are serious between you guys and his stay with his parents apears to be finite then let things go for now. Realize, though, that until he deicdes to change he will always be strongly infludenced by what his parents tell him to do (especially since he works with his dad). If you explain that he (and this trip) means a lot to you, and that you feel that he should be able to decide weather or not he goes. If he still is not able to leave then realize that he is 24, and if he is not willing to get some backbone now, then he may never be willing.
(Rating: 5) thanks. he does plan on moving next month, not in two years. thanks for the advice.