As a Life Coach I have loads of life experience and training in helping people sort things out for the better.
You might not always like my advice at first, but that's probably because it challenges you to take more responsibility for yourself.
This is my voluntary work because I like to give something from the goodness of my heart.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Life Coach
Age: 39
Member Since: March 26, 2005
Answers: 7
Last Update: May 4, 2005
Visitors: 2927
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Hi. I'm a fellow Advicenator. I have my own column, if you ask, I could leave you feedback with my username. Although I've always been good at advice...I feel lost right now. Maybe I do know the answer, but I just need to hear it from someone else.
For the past few years...Something hasn't been right with me. I'm tired of not fitting in, I'm tired of always needing to get good grades, I'm tired of people not telling me anything, tired of being ignored, hurt... I'm one of those 4.0+ GPA students. Friends would describe me as hyper. Heck, that's even part of my username. But all this time it's been a cover up of how I really feel. Crying by myself sometimes make me feel better, but time doesn't heal, like they say. Things get worse for me.
This year seemed to work out so well. Until last Friday I realized that this year has all been a lie. A friend told me about something my other friends have been hiding from me. I found out that the people I LOVED, my FRIENDS, were talking trash about my boyfriend and me.
They don't realize that WE HAVE ALL CHANGED. I know I have changed, and I accept that. I accept that they have changed as well. We all want our "old" friends back, but what can we do? I miss them, but I cannot change what has happened between us. My boyfriend has brightened up my life. I thought they would be happy for me. What's funny is THEY were the people that pressured me into saying YES to my boyfriend sooner than I expected. (I don't regret it at all.) I could have gone for months, not giving him an answer. "OMG, say yes already" "Oh, he's a nice guy" I remember lots of quotes, CLEARLY. And now, here they are, talking trash?
My REAL friends are supposed to be there for me. They're supposed to talk to me, even if it's something I don't want to hear. They need to at least try to see things my point of view, and NOT talk trash behind my back. They need to either talk to me about it or keep it to themselves and NOT spread around how I'm such a changed and horrible person.
The only person that is giving me the will to live is my boyfriend. I feel bad he has to see me like this. He tells me he knows how I feel, but he doesn't care because he has me. I'd like to say the same, but honestly, it hurts too much. I love him, but the pain won't go away.
I don't know what to do.
At first I wanted to like yell at my "friends" and go rawr! But then as these few days passed I just wanted to forget. But then I can't forget the pain... I see them every day. I think to myself, maybe if I forget, we can all pretend it never happened because I don't want to ruin things even more. But then I tell myself how could I pretend when something like this has happened? My brain goes back and forth...all the time.
I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. I apologize for the length...I really needed to get that out... Please...I need some wise words. (link)
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When you start thinking about other people and trying to understand how they work, how they feel when things aren't working out, giving them well thought out friendly support and advice you start to become more and more self aware and emotionally independent.
You have taken the step of becoming closer and more initimate in a loving relationship and again you grow and develop.
The down side is that not everyone does this at the same rate and people unconsciously resent the way that you are because they would like to be like that but can't just yet.
You WILL find more people like you, but in my experience there are less of them around, it takes a lot of guts to be going down the road of living with compassion and honesty.
The major upside is that your life will be richer for it and the people you gather around you will be great people.
Learn from your experiences, you may not keep those "friends", but there may be one or two who are being carried along by peer pressure and who are actually OK.
It's about growing up and being true to yourself, keeping an open mind and a loving heart.
It's great that you have chosen a boyfriend who can relate to you, make the most of him and enjoy the time you spend with him, the rest will fall into place, this is just a transition.
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Rating: 5
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Hello...you gave my advice quite a while ago, and I'm finally here to give feedback. lol. The advice every one gave me made me feel a better, and I know I wasn't the only one that went through that situation. Thanks for taking the time to help out a fellow advicenator. I finally had a long talk with my friends last weekend, and all is well. If you'd like more information about it, you could check out my online diary (http://kimmie4ever.diaryland.com/050522_23.html user: guest pass: cheesie) if you like. Thanks again, and I really appreciated your advice.
PS, In case you were wondering, my username here is HyperactiveMiss. In case you weren't...well...nevermind then. heh.
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