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April 16, 2005Answers:
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April 23, 2005Visitors:
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Thank you starlightmks.com for the blinkie pic! '-'advice
H3Y even though this question is long please don't pass it over I need help.
Im almost fourteen and my nine seventeen year old brother died about a week ago. I don't want to talk about it and my parents are trying to force me into it. I don't want to talk sometimes, I just want to forget. But theres something inside me that wont let me and thats when I get either angry or sad, but I never find myself in tears. I havn't cried since I found out he was dead. Those were tears of shock. If you were in the middle of an algerbra test and got pulled out just to be told your big brother was hit by a car you would probably cry too. I can't take this anymore. Sometimes I just want to turn him into some distant memory, and other times I want to remember him. People tell me to remember all the good times we had, but that just makes me even more sad to know that we won't ever have those times again. My parents arn't helping either. They're wanting to have another baby. They want to replace him. Plus they have allready started turning his old room into a study for my dad. MY twenty year old sister does nothing but cry and therefore gets all the sympathy. I dont ever cry so people think I dont care, but I probably care more than anybody. I know even though he's dead but not gone it still doesn't help me. I find myself always asking "What if." I can't stand "What ifs" But the one question that I have always promised I'd never ask myself is "Why me" Then I realized I shouldn't be asking why me. I wasnt the one that died. So now I am despising my sister for her constant mourning, because she's not crying for Bryson, she's crying for herself. All I need to know is that if I force myself into crying if it will make the pain go away. And if it won't how can I stop hating the world around me. Because now I'm starting to hate myself. I'm afraid to love or trust anybody again and I can't do it alone.
I'm sorry for your loss. But you are never going to get over him. Crying will make things better, it will let everything out, so I suggest you do it. I have never gone through what you have, so I cannot be very much of a help at all. I'm really sorry....
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(Rating: 4) YEah well the thing about the crying is that i want to but i cant.