I don't really have a specific question I just need some advice on what to do because I have no idea.
Background Info:
Jon and I have known each other and been best friends since we were 4. Our fathers own a law firm together so we're together a lot, obviously. I've only had one real relationship. I've had many boyfriends but only one serious one. Same with him. We're both 17.
Early Jan.:
My parents threw a big block party which Jon and I both attended. I wasn't feeling well that night so we left the street (were the party was) and went to my backyard and just hung out. Everything was going fine until he told me that he wanted us to try to be more than "just friends". I was completely blown away because it came out of no where. At the time, I didn't see him in that way so I let him down. It was weird between us for a while but eventually, things got back to normal. Around early Feb. he met a girl who he claims is "absolutely amazing" and they started dating. I was fine with it.
Now, my real problem:
About a month ago I started to realize that I want to be more than friends and that I do like him. But, he now has a girlfriend in the picture, so there's a problem. I'm not the type to break up a happy couple so I tried to forget about it. But, I couldn't. A friend told me to talk to him about it (she though he still might feel the same way). So, I did and it went horrible. I don't think I've ever known a guy that ever reacted the way he did. All he said was, "I asked you before and you said no. Now you're too F*king late. I like Lauren a lot...you should have F*king said something sooner I can't F*king believe you" and then just stormed off.
That happened 4 days ago and I haven't had the nerve to talk to him since. I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks
Well for starters, no one can control the tides of love and those who try get swept away. Just thought it might make you feel better to know that neither of you are wrong for feeling the way that you do.
To make an observation, Jon is upset with you because he is considering leaving his girlfriend for you. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. If he didn't still have feelings for you, it wouldn't bother him that you were interested in him. At most he would simply feel sorry for you. As much as he might be frustrated at you for bringing this up now, he is also frustrated at himself for having a girlfriend at this time.
Given the timing, I would not be surprised if he started dating other girls in an effort to find what he wanted to have with you. This is not to say that their relationship is meaningless, simply that it may have its roots in some more complicated psychology than any of us can understand at the moment.
My advice is this. Do not under any circumstances come between he and his girlfriend, he will only resent it later and it will ruin your chances of having any future with him as friends or otherwise. What you do need to do is be patient. You need to apologize to him for putting this stress on him when you knew he couldn't act on it ethically. Talk to him, make friends with him again, and be the good friend that you have always been. I suspect that in time if he does have feelings for you his relationship with this new girl will not survive, oh, say, the third argument they have. This will probably be about midsummer, but who knows. If he tries to make a move on you while still with this other girl, do what's right and tell him no. Don't be a part of cheating, it just hurts everyone.
Also, I am deeply concerned about your friendship with him. If things don't work out as lovers, you will want to keep him as a friend and that can get damnably difficult in a situation like this. My suggestion, just don't get physical. Don't say I love you till you know it's true, I'm talking months here. Don't let him say it either because it will hurt him if you don't respond in kind. Don't get physical until you have been able to keep up a romantic relationship as well as your friendship for quite a while. Getting physical will confuse everyone as to which emotions are in play. It's too dark under the covers to tell the difference between love and lust.
Finally, for goodness sake, if you ever break up with a guy ever again do me and all of us a favor and let him see it coming. When your ice cream cone falls appart you can grab some in your hands, but when the bottom falls out all at once it just splatters on your shoes. Good luck in this, I hope it turns out well for you too.
Also, take care of yourself too. This can be a lonely world and though you may not be ready for a serious relationship with someone else yet, the companionship emotionally and physically of a casual or friends with benefits situation with another guy will help give you someone to vent to, share your feelings with, enjoy yourself with, and boost your confidence without hurting anyone. It varys from person to person, but many agree that the quickest way to get over someone else is to start dating again. I guess I'm just saying that if you have to wait for Jon there is no reason to have to do so out in the cold.
[view]
(Rating: 5)
Thank you so incredibly much
|
