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Hi! I'm Linda. I would love to try to help you with advice about love and life. I can also try to help with Health: Mental issues in particular.

However, you can ask me anything. I believe in the value of honesty and I will do my best to be ethical, fair and genuine. xoxoxoxo

advice

Hi Linda, hope i'm not being to much of a pain for you but i really need to vent a little. So things took a turn for the worse with Kevin(that's his name by the way).I had decided to just relax and enjoy things with him and see what happens but we ended up in a serious conversation somehow and it got bad. First of all i want you to know that he is not a bad guy, he's been nothing but honest with me and i respect him for that, trust me, have had my share of asses and Kevin is one of the good guys. But, apparently i'm great as a friend and to sleep with but he isn't looking for anything past that. I found out last night that he isn't over his ex and even though she has moved on, he's not sure he wants to. I feel like a fool thinking he should care about me when he is still not over her. I guess they still talk all the time. He says that he doesn't want a relationship with anybody but if it ever happens he doesn't want me to be hurt. All i hear, is i want a relationship but not with you! I know that it's pretty clear that he's not into me but it's just hard to accept you know? We normally talk every morning and every night, he calls me like 3-4 times a night about anything so i guess i mistook that for something else. He says he cares about me, but i've been kind of avoiding him because i dont want him to know that he did hurt me. He really is a sweet guy with his own set of problems and it would really bother him to know that. I'm so sick and tired of being in a one side relationship of any kind. Now there is wierdness between us and i miss him like crazy, he's still one of my closest friends and as selfish as it sounds, the sex is really amazing as well. I should never have slept with him and let it go this far but i guess i figured he would have started to have the same feelings for me. This all started because he figured i was holding out hope that he was going to change his mind about us in the future and he got mad because he didnt want me wasting my time with him. He said he didn't know if he would change his mind or not and that he just wants to live for right now and what we have right now. Why couldn't i have just left everything alone and enjoyed the moment? Now he feels terrible and i feel terrible and i don't see any good out of any of this. Both of us have said that no matter what we will stay friends and i miss him. Obviously this isn't going to work out relationship wise, im not that naive, relationships especially at the beginning shouldn't be this hard and messy, but im not sure how to get past the little damage that has been done by me. I may be the most impatient person in the world when it comes to not wanting to be alone anymore. LOL! Anyway, thanks for listening Linda and sorry for the book i just wrote you. Believe it or not i have a whole lot more i want to say but i'll save that for another day! Thanks, Luann.

Hi Luann,
I don't think you're a fool and I don't you're being unreasonable. What I do believe, though, is that he is telling you the truth and you are refusing to believe him. The smartest thing is this letter that you wrote to me is that you were trying to avoid him. THAT is the smart thing to do. It is a known fact that when a woman sleeps with a man, the feelings for him get stronger. When it's the other way around, the man feels as if the challenge is gone. See how unfair this is?
I don't want you to blame yourself for this situation, it is his fault as much as it is yours. He knew you had feelings for him and in his own way, he took advantage of it. However, in your own way, you took advantage of him too. Friends (as you keep saying you are great friends) do NOT take advantage of each other and you BOTH did. So, what does that say? It says he wants something from you and you want something from him. Neither one of you are going to give in. One of you, (YOU, I hope) are going to do the right thing. Give up the power...and by doing that, you are gaining the power in this.
When you say you are going to miss him, could you be more specific? Let me take a guess. You are going to miss the flirting, the CHALLENGE, the sex, the faux love, the lust and it can go on and on. He, on the other hand, knows exactly what he wants. He wants thing to stay the way they are minus the pressure. Okay, so this is going to be hard, because it's never easy in this situation. You MUST avoid him. His calls, his visits, his friendship, everything. People don't live in the future, they live in the present because that's all there is. So, if he is giving you hope for the future, it's called stalling. Please don't have any regrets about sleeping with him because there is nothing you can do about it. Just try, no don't try, just DO. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, HOPE + DOUBT = PASSION. He definitely has the hope, but there is no doubt there. He has to feel as if it's possible that he's losing you. And another HUGE thing is he has to get over his previous love. The obvious thing here is that he is not being challenged, you are being too accomodating and he needs to FEEL as if he's losing that before he can even think about things. I know this isn't easy to do but you must help him to do it without letting on that you're doing it. As much as it hurts you, believe me, it must be done. Oh, and as far as having serious conversations with him, it's a power thing you're dealing with. If you must talk to him, keep him away from the serious and stay with the superficial. Also, it would help if you will find other people to talk to. If he calls you, be unavailable about 4 out of 5 times. Give him a chance to chase you AND don't give in to him until you are absolutely certain that he will respect you. This does not mean through words, this means through actions. Please write me again if you need me. Good luck in your new project.
Linda

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(Rating: 5) thankyou linda, really going to do this, just worried that it may backfire but if it does i guess it wasn't meant to be right? Thanks for your help and im sure ill be in touch with another problem
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