About mylinhthan
[x][edit] - Since being on Advicenators there have been a lot of repetitive questions and innane ones at that. Because of this, I will not be answering as many questions as I had before. To put it simply, some people need to think for themselves. To learn things in life we have to fall down from our hardships, learn from them, and get to our feet again. People aren't just going to spoonfeed you on how to live your life.
To conclude, I'm a level-minded columnist who's not likely to judge. Although I may not understand some situations due to lack of experience, I am an understanding person and will do all I can to help. To people who are "not the brightest crayon in the box", I may appear blunt and brutally honest. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
And yes, stupid questions DO exist.
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Gender: Female
Location: Colorado
Occupation: Student
Age: 18
Member Since: February 22, 2005
Answers: 363
Last Update: December 11, 2009
Visitors: 23877
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Hey Its me again. Ill be the first to admit that marriage is one the hardest things to be in. I just want to be able to communicate with him. But how do you communicate when the other doesnt let you say what you want without getting angry?
Hello again. Yea I can see how marriage could be really hard. I admit, I don't understand everything that goes along with being married cuz I'm not married myself, but relationships, married or not, go through the same but with marriage the bond is permanent which can make it harder, right?
In order to better understand the situation, I'd like to ask you a few questions so that I could offer more detailed advice that could be of service to you. I hope that's alright :)
1. How long have you two known each other (includes time span from dating until currently).
2. Has lack of communication always been an issue?
3. What are the motives of a lot of your arguments? Are they usually about the same thing? (Hopefully we'll try and see if we can find a pattern here.)
4. What does he do when he's angry (verbally, physically, etc.)?
5. How often do you two have intense arguments like these?
As for your communication problem, again, try to get him to calm down and keep things civil. I admit it really is hard to express yourself when the guy doesn't want to hear it, but really, he has to.
What you can try is first and foremost, be civil about everything (or at least put in a lot of effort, he has to try too), try to calm him down if he's really angry, and just calmly tell him that in order to keep this argument at a minimum, both sides have to take turns at expressing how they feel. Again, try not to point fingers because this tends to lead to interruptions from the other partner trying to defend what you're accusing him of. Tell him to tell you when he's done getting his point accross, so that you'll have a chance to speak because you're entitled to that right, and after all, you listened to him right? So it's his turn to listen to you.
And I know that during arguments that fights get really intense and emotions are up the yin-yang, but as hard as it may be, try to see where he's coming from and understand his point of view. I know with my boyfriend sometimes I don't want to listen to him because I think all he's saying is bullshit, but he's really trying to talk to me, and as a girlfriend, I'm going to listen to what he has to say and take it into consideration. I want him to do the same for me, so the least I could do is listen to him, even if he's telling me things that I don't want to hear.
I hope this helps! Good luck! :)
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well we've known each other for 4 years been together 3 and married 2 years. Yes the communication is usually the main topic,he feels that I never hear him out ,but I do then when its my turn he doesnt wanna hear no more.We always have little arguments about practically nothing and they escalate to a big fight. And he gets very verbal, and curses at me and belittles me. And I dont like it at all. I tell him and he tells me that he does not care, cuz I make him tell me bad things, I know that its not true but it hurts so bad.
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