hey..im jus ur average 17 year old.
ive been through my share of ups and downs,havnet experienced it all yet, but i'll do my best to awnser any question you have
Location: Southlake, TX
Member Since: February 12, 2005
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Last Update: April 3, 2005
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Ricochet06
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I am a gay male in my 30’s, and have been in a loving, committed relationship with another male since I was 18 years old. I plan on being with this man for the rest of my life.
This year marks the 10th Anniversary of my "coming out" to my parents. Back then, my relationship with my boyfriend was already in its 5th or 6th year, and it saddened me that I could not share its joy with my mother and father for whom I loved dearly. My honesty had brought me close to them again, and their acceptance has been a true blessing. I am grateful, for I know many others whose stories are not so lucky.
But this is not why I write.
My question has to do with my father. He does not judge me for being gay. He is very proud of his tolerance, and we have had many open and frank conversations about homophobia and my experiences with homophobia.
My problem is although he is not critical or judgmental about my lifestyle, he is overly critical and judgmental about every other aspect of my life. My job, my car, my driving, my diet, my finances, my clothes, my speech, my hair, my skin, my schedule, my everything are open territory to his persistent nagging. A thirty minute phone call with him can set me into a depression for a week. It would be easier if he hated me for being gay.
I often ask him questions about life and the lessons he has learned, but he replies with mean, personal attacks on my character. I am a very successful man in my field, and I feel his concerns are unwarranted. I have frequently told him as such.
Today, I feel I am fed up with trying to make him happy. During the holidays, he made me miserable because I did not live up to his regimented expectations. When the slightest thing is not perfect in my life, I cannot be honest with him and dishonesty is what I ran from 10 years ago. I fear his lectures, and I am starting to lie to him again. I love him because he is my father, but I do not like him.
He is so proud that he is man enough not to judge his son for being gay. Believe me, I am thankful. But, how do I get him to not judge me for being HUMAN?
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I know the feeling, my dads the same exact way...constant naggin, never good enuff. Im still trying to figure out what to do, becuase hes the onli adult figure i have left in my life, and i love him with all my heart, but im just not quit good enuff. In order to keep myself from insanity, you have to pelase yourself first, honestly your too old to have to worry about what your father thinks, you live your own life now. You make yoru own decisions, and as long as your satisfied with your life decisions, then it shouldnt matter what your fatehr thinks. I know you wish you felt like you could do things better, but in all honesty your probably doing the best you can, and you dont need his pressure ontop of it all. maybe Your dad wished he did better with his life while he was gettin older, and hes just taking in out on u. My dad does that, he wants me to grow up and become rish and famous and settle for nothing less....which we all no is almost impossible.so just be yourself, and please yourslef..good luck..hope i helped
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Rating: 5
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Thanks for the empathy. You gave great advice.
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