Member Since: December 30, 2004
Answers: 13
Last Update: December 30, 2004
Visitors: 1377
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My boyfriend and I have been together for just under two years. We've had our problems and worked through them - we started dating when we were still in high school. (I'm about to turn 18, he's about to turn twenty.) We've always been friends and supported each other, knowing that high school relationships don't tend to last very long. Things have been good lately in the sense that we get along, we spend time with one another and care about eachother very much - but lately I've been bothered about where our relationship is going.
We do not and never have said the words "I Love You", and we both used to agree that too many people misuse those words, causing more problems. He has a bad past when it comes to "love" and relationships, but we've been together for two years. I don't expect him to love me necessarily, or to tell me he does when he isn't ready - but I sometimes doubt his feelings for me relationship -wise. We haven't been talking the same way we had been lately, and I tried talking to him about this and he just stayed silent, (his way of blocking out my questions.) The silence is getting to me. I've even tried asking him flat-out, "how do you feel about me?". He seems to think I shouldn't ask him, and won't tell me why he feels like he shouldn't answer. It's starting to make me feel like we've just hit the end, but we're so connected when it comes to being around eachother, we've been friends and more than friends for so long. In short, his actions are there most of the time, but the words are not. I sometimes feel as if after all this time, I've been with a stranger. We don't have 'fun' as much anymore, and he often seems completely enthralled with his thoughts and less enthusiastic about life in general when around me.
I really would like to be in a relationship where we can say "I love you" after being together for so long - or at least be able to be verbally affectionate. - But I don't want to force him or make him feel like he's being forced. I want him to be happy, too, but I sometimes feel I'm not getting the attention I deserve. Am I being over-insecure? Thanks for anyone willing to read this long thing, and help.
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Sounds like you need to reevaluate this realationship. It should be serving both of your needs and if it is not, then you must be able to talk about it and have a partner that is willing to do what you need to be happy. This might not be that relationship or it just might be ending under it's own weight of time. Not every relationship is meant to be a lifelong commitment. It is hard to recognize this and move on but to me, and from what you said about him, I can't help but feel he is taking you for granted and the both of you just might be caught up in being habits to one another and are not really lovers any longer. The habit of being with someone can mask a lot of problems for a long time. These problems may be rising to the surface now. If he will not go to couples counseling with you, go by yourself. You need help to figure this one out and if it is salvagable, then counseling will help you in that or in breaking it off.
Just because you have a long term relationship,doesn't mean you will have a happy marriage. I speak from experience. I married from a habit of being together and spent the next 16 years being miserable. Go for counseling and get the help you need to figure this one out.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you. Well, he had talked to a mutual friend of ours for a while, and we ended up breaking it off. It was a relationship of habit. Your advice helped, though - it's really good to hear from someone with a level head. It was needed, and appreciated. Thanks.
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