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October 19, 2004Answers:
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December 24, 2005Visitors:
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Ok, I am 44 yrs. old and my husband is 47, we have been married about 6 months, and are professonal decent people. My problem is my husband is not interested in making love to me, when we first married, we had a decent sex life,. then no more for the past several months. If I bring it up he gets mad. Says hes just tired,or could be his antidepressants he takes, etc.. But he has time to be internet addicted, and reads a lot, anything to keep from being with me. I had caught him on the net several times talking to men, over a year ago, but he had a excuse for that, he was "just messing" with the gay guys for a laugh. Now I wonder. Ive tried talking to him but about this, but he dosent want to discuss it. So what do I do? I love my husband dearly but what do I do, Lonely
The lack of sex can be a product of anti-depressants.
Don't let this get you down. I'm sure your husband cares about you. You don't need to question that, but perhaps he is trying to escape from what really is bothering him by distracting himself with things such as the internet.
Since you are not specific, I have a few theories in mind I would like to share with you.
It's possible he is questioning his sexuality or WAS and now he is making an effort to escape that. Having you around might be a constant reminder of his possible conquest.
If anything has changed in his life recently, either than your marriage to him, it may have a lot to do with the stress levels. Has anything changed in his life lately? A new job? A disagreement ?
Depression and anxiety can leave people feeling insecure and unwanted. It's MORE possible that he is fearful you might leave him and has such irrational thoughts in his head. Some people react as unusual as ignoring their partner or escaping to different areas of the house or anywhere and anything else in order to contain this fear within the walls.
Just be understanding. Don't pressure him. Give him lots of hugs and give him a reason to open up to you, even though you are husband and wife.
Still try to discuss it with him. When he gets mad, just try to talk to him calmly and show physical affection. Such intimacy allows people to open up more.
If more trouble occurs, then I would definitely recommend a couples therapist. No they're not just for troubled couples, but for healthy ones as well. Sometimes, the best solution is to get help from a professional who can improve your marriage through actual human-to-human contact.
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