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When I was 13 I found out that I have a sister that had been put up for adoption. I had grown up thinking that I had two sisters and it was devistating to think that I had another one that I may never know and be able to love. So, I swore that one day I would find her. Back in March I did find her. I had searched for so long that I really felt that I would never find her and when I did I was afraid that since I grea up in a dysfunctional family and we weren't wealthy or anything that we wouldn't be good enough for her. Well, she is wonderful. We went through the DNA testing and when we found out it was just amazing. She came out for a visit in April and since then I have gone to see her twice. We live in seperate states. The two sisters and I that grew up together have the same father but she (2nd to the oldest) has a different father. My father is dead now (long story) but our mother is still living. Mom has a long history of drug abuse and she does not want my Sister to know about it.
This is my question. I think that she is noticing that Mom isn't as close to her as she is our oldest and youngest sisters. They e-mail and Mom calls about once a month or so but she and I talk weekly and on the internet every night. The other two sisters rarely e-mail her and they don't call her. I know that she doesn't feel as connected to the family as she would like to and I feel responsible because I was the one that went looking for her. There are times that she tells me that it really hurts her feelings and I am not sure what to say.
I love her so much, she is just fantastic and had a terrible life growing up. Her adopted Dad wound up in prison and her adopted Mom comitted suicide when she was a teenager. I know that she has abandonment issues because of all of that and now I am scared that meeting her bio family is just adding to those issues because of their distance. I wouldn't take for knowing and having the chance to be in my sister's life and her in mine but sometimes I feel so guilty for causing her even more grief.
Did I do the right thing by finding her or was I just being selfish because I missed her so much being in my life? I am just afraid that my love for her just isn't enough to make up for all of the time that she has done without and now that she has found her bio family that maybe the dream of what they were was better than what we are.
Confusing and long I know but anyone with input would be appreciated. (link)
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I was adopted too. You did the right thing by looking for her. I don't eve know where to begin to look because nobody can give me a straight answer as to my birth mothers whereabouts, and she never named the father at my birth. I would talk to the rest of your family and tell them to try and include her more. I'm sure she's very thankful for you looking for her. Knowing anything is better than knowing nothing.
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