Sometimes my advice is good advice, and sometimes it's just an opinion. Sometimes people don't take good advice (ironically.) If everybody would just talk to each other, we'd have world peace, so you probably won't see "just talk to them" in my column.
I worked as a Registered Nurse for a few years so I know a little about health.
I think and read about spiritual things. I answer spiritual questions without trying to convert anyone to my own beliefs. I'm a non-denominational Christian, but I believe everyone has a path to follow, and God is patient, so I answer spiritual questions from where you are.
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Member Since: January 12, 2004
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I had a great friendship with a girl, but I made the mistake of asking her to open up to me about my past and feelings. My logic was since she's so afraid that my opinion of her would be lowered if I knew about her past, then she would come to some relief in knowing that my opinion of her would never be changed by something she did years ago. She told me, then days later she was furious about me knowing about her past. So my problem is this: I am in love with her, and she's very distant. I never asked her out because she's against dating, but now she is around another guy a lot who also loves her. I don't think she's attracted to me, so there's little hope to begin with (We told each other everyone we had a crush on. She was on my list, I wasn't on her's). This guy is open about his love, and is very touchy-feely towards everyone, especially with her. I'm afraid she'll start dating him, and never really speak to me again. I give her rides from school, and recently she just walked off with the other guy without saying a word. I caught up with them, and she said she was walking home, and had plans to go mushroom hunting. But she walked in the opposite direction of her house and it was starting to rain. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into this,or if she really doesn't want to see me anymore. So should I tell her how I feel and ask her who she'd rather be with, or should I spare myself the pain and depression that would follow and ignore this or ignore her. If this, then how do I possibly get over her, I don't really have many people I can talk to and I'm so very in love. (link)
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OK, you said you don't think she is attracted to you. She walked away with another guy without saying a word. She said she was walking home (in the rain, in the opposite direction.) She tells you she doesn't believe in dating.
I don't think you are reading too much into it. I think the chances that she feels the same about you as you feel about her are very slim. I don't think her telling you about her past is a significant factor in this.
I wouldn't bring your feelings up, because it will probably make her more uncomfortable, and may be painful for you. I would try to continue the friendship, with out taking it further, because you can't force feelings that aren't there. Your only hope is that she might change, but I wouldn't live my life expecting it.
Definitely try to expand your circle of friends. Join groups and organizations that interest you. Even if you don't make the kind of friends that are close enough to talk to, you will at least be distracted, and improve you life.
From feedback: "I have to tell her. I never told a girl how I feel, and I don't think my feelings have ever been this strong, so I'm going to set myself up for failure. Wish me luck"
Good luck! You have decided to take a risk, and you know the possible consequences and are willing to accept them. That isn't a bad thing, but I hope you don't get hurt, even though you might.
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Rating: 5
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You're probably right.(Written later) I have to tell her. I never told a girl how I feel, and I don't think my feelings have ever been this strong, so I'm going to set myself up for failure. Wish me luck. After discussing it with her: We were right, she doesn't feel the same way, though she didn't really feel too uncomfortable. We're thankfully still close. I'm okay with this as long as she doen't date the other guy, she can do better than me, and he's not.
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