I'm a 38 year old psychologist living in Nashville, Tennessee. Until shortly over a year ago, I hosted a radio/tv talk show. At the moment, I'm amid plans to start a new one called, " One Man's Opinion". It's a radio show FOR women, ABOUT men, BY a man.
Seeing that alot of issues are age-related, please state your age when posing a question.
E-mail: cmclinphd@hotmail.com
Gender: Male
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Psychologist
Age: 38
Member Since: November 30, 2003
Answers: 349
Last Update: September 15, 2009
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Hiya there, i would like to ask your advice on a subject that is close to my heart.I have a beautiful 3yrold son, i split with his father when i was pregnant, we had a prety bad split , but i kept caling him wishing we would get back together an it never happened, he had another girlfriend when i was 6months along,
i didnt hear a word from him as he cut his phone off so i wouldnt annoy him. WHEN i had my son, i was the one who contacted him, he came to see him when he was 2months old and gave me only a pitifull 70 in total, i asked him to suport him with only 10 aweek for nappies milk, he refused without even trying saying he was unemployed, i was so shocked at his behaviour, if you cant stand me why punish your own son.
Anyway to cut a long story short i tried my best to keep him in contact with my child, but he made no effort. He stayed away from me when i was pregnant , saw my son at 2months , then neverheard from him for 2yrs until my sister bumped in to him at a shopping centre he said he would like to be a proper father so i called him, he saw my son on his 2nd birthday and gave him 10 and refused ongoing payments, i didnt hear from him until 2 weeks again, by this time i was mad, i had tried so hard , and he was bsically deciding when he felt like walking in and out of my sons life, and that really hurt.we arguged and he unbeliebly said to me so are you aying if i dont give money i cant see my son, i was so annoyed he would even ask such a question and i said yes, couldnt believe it i was in contact with him by chance, i let him see my son, when many others would have told him to get lost and he had the front to even think about losing contact with his son , just because he didnt want to pay 10 a week, anyway its been 2 years now and my sons gonna be 4 hes such a beautiful boy and i couldnt imagine life without him, ive met somebodyelese and im pregnant again so he has a stable family unit now. the last contact i had was just before christmas last yr, [after i had left a distressed message on his phone asking close to tears why he wasn't arond for my sons 3rd birthdy]
he sent me somethig like a chain message befre xmas , i;e send this to 5 people who mean something to you and u can send to me if you like, I never replied, the cheek of it , not even asking how we Were first, sending silly messages, my phone number was cut , he doesnt know where we live. I know hes a hopelesss dad, but i cant help feeling sorry that my son will never know his real father, loads of my family think hes a dead beat , wicked an useless and i gave him loads of chances to play a part in my sons life,and he threw it back in our faces. Basically my question is after everything ive told you how it was do you think i should contact him again,many think im mad too, or should i leave it my son is happy and content with my new partner , what do you think , pls let me know. it drives me mad thniking about it somtimes. takecare and Godbless.x (link)
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It's a shame that you should have to endure all of that which you have. Even more shameful, is a man that would willfully neglect his son as such.
I know it's hard for you to do, but the choice is no longer yours to make. The father has to realize what's important to him, namely, his son, and make the UNSOLICITED efforts to try and change the status of the relationship between the two of them.
I'm wondering if there's any part of you that wants to try and contact him for selfish reasons. Maybe there are unresolved,emotional issues that you MAY have with him, that you are not fully recognizing.
Nevertheless, you have taken all of the steps you could. I would say that denying him the opportunity to see his child unless he pays is not the best way, but, I really don't think he would opt to see him if you DID allow him.
Let nature run it's course. If the father wants to be there, let him, if he doesn't, then your son will make up his own mind about him as he matures and HE will decide if he wants to see his father or not on his own.
I wish you the best. Anytime you need to talk, let me know.
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Rating: 5
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thankyou for you advice, i think some bits you may be right, but i will let him take the next step. once again thanks.
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