Member Since: March 23, 2011
Answers: 1
Last Update: March 23, 2011
Visitors: 543
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I took a large rock off my wife’s head in 2000. We were married for only 2 yrs. I was 30 yrs old. Most call it post traumatic stress syndrome. The 2 sides of your brain stop communicating. The numbness. Emotions & feelings are 2 different things. Everyone feels. Grab a hammer and hit your thumb. You feel. Emotion is the mind’s analysis of a feeling. A judgment of that feeling. Don’t have the judgment? Good. But, the numbness you all experience is exactly that. No judgment. Feeling has nothing to do with numbness. Don’t believe me. Grab the hammer again.
When the towers in NY fell on 9/11 I felt nothing. Why? Dead wife. How to do you feel about Japan? Numbness. The lack of a mind’s ability to classify a feeling that has no file. No one has a brain file for a dead wife. For 10,000 dead people. What’s the file on your desk? The file is open on the desk until you build or make a file for that experience. It’s there somewhere.
Be aware. You create a place to put the feeling and the emotion, as everyone has so eloquently expressed, will indeed follow. Yes, it is a flawed human experience. But, feeling…feeling is indeed the best of what our presence on this spinning globe has to offer. The answer for all of those who want to feel is exactly that. Feel. Don’t judge. It doesn’t come to you. You go to it.
Save a few dollars. Buy a ticket to nowhere and stay for a while. When there, read Carl Jung. Learn. Meditate. Write. Paint. Draw. Play the guitar. Surf. Don’t give a shit. Just be. Be a better you. Whether a weekend, a month, a year or a lifetime you cannot make a mistake. There are no mistakes in this lifetime. Once that is part of your mind frame the numbness becomes freedom and the world becomes limitless.
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