Member Since: October 8, 2009
Answers: 1
Last Update: October 8, 2009
Visitors: 564
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I haven't felt genuine emotion for about six months now. I have instinctual desires and people that I am fond of, but never could I admit to loving someone. It was only when I watched the Showtime series, Dexter, that I realized what it was. The last thing I remember actually feeling was love. The fact that I don't have emotions is my secret. I was drunk one time and told a cousin and a friend. I don't know if they took it seriously, but not shortly after, I thought about killing them because of what they knew. My cousin and best friend, whom I had known since I was born. I know almost for a fact that all of us are atheists, and I know that we are all highly intelligent. We are above. We are not doused with the heavy burden of feeling, but can get a job done more efficiently and all-around better than most people in the world. We have no fear, and no obligations. I have never met anyone else like me, so it is almost a thrill to see this. We all mask our selves, which shows the power of social contract, but we are open to each other. I used to feel very alone because nobody was as smart as I or felt how I did. If we united, what could we do?
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