Member Since: June 13, 2011
Answers: 1
Last Update: June 13, 2011
Visitors: 495
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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Good morning Majj,
Im not sure if you have had any recent changes since this post, as its been a few years now. But, I hope that you have.
Firstly, its a major step to admit that you recognize that something might be just a little "off" about your day to day emotions. I have the same problem. Mine is a little different in that I cant seem to ever feel the emotion of love. I have had bad realtionship after bad relationship, and can only seem to hold on to any of them because at least I can feel the bad in them. Im feeling something so it must be worth holding onto.
The last time I can recall ever feeling really happy with who I was was when I was in the 8th grade, Im 30 now. I feel like I lost a sense of who I was, and that person has been gone for so long now, its scary to think that old you might now ever come back.
This might be hard to hear, as it might make you defensive, but you have to ask yourself if you're ready to make a concious effort in your life to grow, and get back to that person you were before. Typically a tramatic event may have happened to you in your childhood that put you in this place you are in today. Mine was the the loss of my mother. She was emotionally abusive to me growing up, and it was a string of unfortunate events with her that compiled my shutting down of emotions. She has since passed on, so that part I can never get back to recovering that piece.
Getting down to the root of the issue can help you rebuild the pieces of your life. Each tramatic event that happens to people is different and unique in how it shaped and continues to shape us. It can be so tramtic that you may have blocked it out, and it might take professional counceling to deal with trama like that.
I hope that I have been able to help you, better late than never right. :) be strong for yourself, and dont give up Majj. The feeling you get once you can let go of your past and learn from it, rather than become a victem of it, there are no words to describe how amazing you will begin to feel. From one still in recovery, to another beginning his journey, I hope you find solace my friend.
Kell
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