Member Since: January 25, 2011
Answers: 1
Last Update: January 25, 2011
Visitors: 563
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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Ribbonade, this response is to you. I simply have to write this to you. I feel exactly the same way. I feel like most of the time, I'm simply an actor. I just pretend to be, and feel normal for everyone else's sake. The truth is, the idea of someone really understanding how empty I feel is actually kind of nerve racking. I don't think I have a complete lack of emotion, so much as I'm so extremely introverted that it's not even funny. Outward stimuli have no real effect on me, but I do occasionally have those emotional jolts like you said, and it usually happens when I feel like I understand something important. I used to feel so alone and isolated, but I realized now that it was me thinking there was something wrong with being alone, not that I didn't like it. Being alone is the best thing that happens to me. I love when I can be by myself for hours and hours. I wish I didn't have to have a job, and be part of the real world, but at the same time, I know I have to be, and it would be too difficult to continue to exist were I to just do exactly what I want. I really don't trust people, nor will I ever, so I'll just continue to live like this, and be happy by myself. I hope you understand what I'm getting at.
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