Member Since: April 22, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: April 22, 2012
Visitors: 499
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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If i could, i wouldn't know whether to feel glad or sad that there are many others who experience such symptons. Glad in the sense that i realise that i do not suffer such abnormality alone and yet sad as surely no-one deserves it. It is interesting to read how others interpret the situation and whether they consider it to be a gift or curse.
I personally feel a lack of emotion, thus a diffulty to express it and so struggle to form any meaningful relationships. As such, i tend to portray a happy human under false pretenses (almost like the saying 'hide behind the tears of a clown'), and apparently demonstrate copious amounts of sarcasm (maybe just another way to hide the truth). I often feel like i don't care about anything (whether it be myself or other people), though at the same time try to remain positive yet realistic about life (take everyday as it comes!). Despite the sarcasm, i display cynicism quite frequently too (quite contradictary i know).
Currently doing a degree of which features a fair amount of psychology and as someone has previously mentioned, dysthmia seems to coincide with many of the symptoms expressed by Majj and many others here (obviously i'm no expert by the way). Dysthmia is a psychological disorder of which is a mild form of chronic depression-nothing life threatening! (or shouldn't be anyway). As another has said, i also fear of growing old alone (reminds of Donnie Darko-great film!) though with the right people around us can help us overcome our fears. I suppose the problem is that 'those people' are hard to come by. All in all, try not to let this destroy you (maybe too dramatic, or not) and never give up hope! (easier said than done). Take it easy and all the best!
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