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Here is my problem I have known this guy for eleven years and I have liked him more then a friend but I haven't talked to him in five years. I heard from his sistr that he joined the army in 02 and I have been trying to get a hold of him because he is in Iraq. But I don't know what should I tell him when I write him a letter because I am afraid if I tell him that I like him more then a friend that he won't want to be anything more then a friend so what should I do. Please help me. (link)
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Wait until he gets back from Iraq, he has enough on his mind right now i'm sure. then go for it!
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This may end up getting lengthy, but the situation is complicated...
My circle of friends is made up of married couples, people who have BFs or GFs and single folks. We are all in our late 20's, early 30's and we all pretty much met in college (not all the same college, though).
Anyway, there is one particular girl in our group that has a habit of dating the guys in our group. The first time this happened, the rest of us were happy for the two of them, but unfortunately, their relationship did not last long (about 3 months) and it ended badly. We then had to endure a period where the two of them could not be invited to the same group functions because they couldn't stand the sight of each other. Things were really awkward. That was a while ago (about 3 yrs), and now we are all able to hang out together again, but things are still strained between them. She harbors animosity towards him and still speaks badly of him when his back is turned.
A couple of months ago, she started going out with a different guy friend of ours (who IS aware of her previous relationship with guy friend #1). It has been hard for most of us to support them because we remember what happened last time. We really don't want to go through that awkward period again if things don't work out. Add to that the fact that the two of them have some major differences in thinking when it comes to things like religion and sex before marriage and you can see that this relationship is most likely doomed.
This whole thing is causing our circle of friends to unravel. Instead of doing things together, no questions asked, invitations are now met with, "Are THEY going to be there?". Some of us feel that it's better to avoid them entirely than have to pretend to be happy about their relationship. Myself personally, seeing the two of them together frankly grosses me out.
I should add this bit of information about this girl: she is an only child and extremely introverted. I feel the reason she becomes attracted to the guys in our group of friends is because those are the only men she is exposed to! She has always refused any attempt the rest of us has made to get her in a public setting where she might meet some other single guys. (And she's a cute girl! She would have NO problems meeting someone.)
Now the questions:
Is there an unwritten law that friends should not date friends?
Should we just keep our traps shut and hold the I-told-you-so's until they are warranted?
Should we hold a mass intervention with these two and let them know how we all feel?
Should the chance at *love* be sacrificed for the good of the group?
Honestly, the longer this thing goes on, the more disjointed our friendships are going to get unless we do something soon. Your sound advice will be MORE than appreciated.
Thanks,
R.P., 31/F/NC (link)
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Let her go out with who she wants, its not your call. You don't have to be involved with her relationships. Get over it. Your an adult.
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