Ask Anthro_Wolf89!

18,f. sorry long, but so thankful if you read this.

i use to be happy, i use to love life. now i'm the complete opposite. i've been through so much in the past and i'm currently going through some rough times. i don't like to complain, i don't want people to feel bad for me but i just don't know what to do with myself anymore. it all started in 8th grade. i had a major surgery, and it wash honestly one of the worst things i had to deal with. i had a cist in my mouth, they had to break my jaw. the oral surgeon said NOBODY has ever seen this before, it was something rare. after surgery i was throwing up blood, i couldn't sleep and didn't eat. i lost so much weight and i'm a skinny girl to begin with. they threatened to put a tube down my throat because i needed to eat but i refused. it ended up taking about a full year for my cheeks to get back to normal and everything else but now i have to go every year to the hospital for a check up to make sure the cells that were in my cist aren't coming back, because it's possible and that just scares me so much. my great grandpa also died, i know people aren't really close with their "great" grandparents or anything but he was like my grandpa. i saw him all the time, he believed in me, he was one of the strongest men i know and he was my hero. when he died i was so lost. people think i'm so gorgeous, guys have even told me im "perfect" and i think i'm pretty, but have no self-confidence. i can't take a compliment at all. i don't really mind how i look but no guys want to go for me for some reason. i'm not a bitch, i'm a nice person i dont know what my problem is. i have trust issues, especially with guys. i've tried to trust people and two of my best friends completely screwed me over and it hurt, really bad because they did hurtful things, and it affected my family. i use to be close to my family. don't get me wrong it's not like i don't still talk to them but they think i don't appreicate anything. they think i'm a brat and all i do is want everything from them. lately i have been crabby, i'll admit that and maybe sometimes i don't treat my parents how they should be treated but i can't help it. everything is getting to me and i have the shortest temper. sometimes i'll even cry for no reason? my friends all left me to go off to college and i need them, more than anything. i'm a freshman in college but am living at home. college is so stressful, i am trying so hard and i'm doing pretty good but it's taking a toll on me. work is just a whole different issue. i love my job, and i had the opportunity to work at a bank but i didn't want to leave my current job because i loved it so much and that opportunity passed and now i regret it so much because i can't work at the place i'm at now forever. and i'm majoring in business so i should of taken the bank job. since school started and with everything else going on i don't really have time to eat much. i've lost about 10 pounds in the past two months. i am about 5'6 and use to weigh around 120 and now i weigh about 112. i don't want to lose weight, i try to gain it back but i can't, i can't eat right. all my jeans are too big for me now and i hate it. i can't sleep at night. i am too worried about everything going on in my life. i recently had my heartbroken by my best guy friend,we were not going out but were really close to and he decided he wanted someone else and i don't know how i'm going to overcome this. i have been having pains in my stomach, and the worst aches on my body and my mom thinks it's due to stress, i think so too. ive been to the doctor and they said nothing was wrong. nobody understands me. they don't know what i'm going through. everyone thinks im something i'm not. they think i'm a strong girl, they think i'm happy because i pretend to be they think i live a perfect life. i don't want people to think my life is a mess and that i have so many problems. i do let it out, i have cried too many times to count but nobody knows this. my parents won't understand. they think i'm fine. everytime i bring up a problem with them they say "you'll be fine" or "dont worry, it'll get better" or "there is nothing wrong with you" they tell me to try my hardest and thats all they ask of me because they know how stressed out i get and they know i try, really really hard at everything i do but i just can't even handle everything right now. i know people in the world have much worse problems than me, but why does it seem like everything in my life is falling apart. like nothing i do will make it better?

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