Hello People,
My name is Akiko-san. Well, haven't really gone through much "life crisis", but I don't think we need to have one to give advice. I'll try to tell you what I see in my point of view and help you as much as I can. A second pair of eyes is always useful when you're blind to something in front of you.. I'm a serious and boring person, so I apolojize for my lack os sense of humor. (Lost it in the 5th grade.)
I specialize in friendships/relationships (not romantically, mind you, maybe family matters, etc), but I'll do my best to answer any question.
-Akiko-san
Member Since: March 23, 2006
Answers: 6
Last Update: May 13, 2006
Visitors: 3045
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What would you do if one of your close friends was dating a guy she really likes and he tells you that he has feelings for you instead? Would you tell your friend?
I did. I knew it would hurt her but it just wouldnt be right if they continued dating and I knew that while he's with her, he has feelings for me. It wouldnt be fair to her.
But instead of her thanking me for looking out for her, it seems as if she thinks I'm trying to keep them apart, as if Im lying or something.
The guys sister, who is also a close friend of mine as well, doesnt believe me either. Everyone thinks I'm lying, but the thing is, I have proof. Everything he said to me was by text and I didnt delete them yet.
I dont understand them. Im not the type of person who would make things up. I wouldnt try to mess up someones relationship for no reason. But I'm still viewed as the bad person.. and honestly, it really hurts me to know that none of my friends believe me. My friend knows that I'm not lying though because I've read her the text messages.. yet, Im still viewed as wrong. And even still, she continues to date him knowing that the damn guy has feelings for me. I dont know how anyone would settle for a person who has feelings for another person at the same time. Its just stupid..
I really need advice because its really hurting me to know that these girls do not see that Im only trying to be a true friend..
(By the way, the guy, he is a cool guy. We got along well, prior to when he told me he liked me. But I never ever viewed him as someone Id try to get with because I already have a man in my life that I love and who I only want to be with. So I dont want anyone to think that the reason I told her was because Im trying to get with him.. which even she may already think.)
Thank you for any advice.
20/f (link)
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Hello,
All I could say is that sometimes life doesn't go the way you want it to be. Your friend might be too blinded with love to accept your warning. Things like this happens. You did what you had to do as a friend, it's her choice to take heed or ignore it.
If your friends don't beleive you, then I don't think they know you well enough if they were your friends. But you have to see the pros and cons between showing the messages- they might believe you or think more that you're trying to intefere.
Ignore them when they hurt you- you know you are trying to be a good friend and that should enough. If they don't see that then that's their problem- their loss is all I could say. If you think there are more negative traits then positive traits in your friends then distance yourself slowly and try to stay alone for a while until you get new friends. Better to be alone than in bad company.
If you feel hurt try to write it out, talk with someone you trust, use your emotions to do something productive, excersize, etc. Don't keep it in, its not healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Akiko-san
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I went to a new highschool this year and in the begining, it was wonderful. I made great friends, was doing well and was elected class preseident. Well, now it's march and things have fallen apart. I said some things i shouldn't have to my friends, without realizing it. I was just informed that most of my class thinks i'm a prep who thiniks she's better than everyone else. I don't know what to do.
for starters i'm not going to say anything mean about anyone because i know i deserver to be mean to right now. but i don't know how to apologize. could you give me some tips to get back on my feet? (link)
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Hello,
That's a problem. Well, I would suggest apolijizing to your CLOSEST friends first. (They'll prabably listen to you more.) I'll be more bearable when you have people to back you up. If you don't manage to get your friends back, try to find new friend, stay strong, or find a new school I guess. But I don't think that'll happen. (One of your friend has to have some compassion.)
Just say, "I'm so sorry for _____________. Will you forgive me?" or something to that effect. If you're really sorry, don't let the way of HOW to apolojize get in your way- just apolojize.
Akiko-san
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so this problem is really hard to explain, but here goes:
whenever i try and talk to new people, not like boys, just anyone, i always am so shy and dont know what to say. theres always awkward silences... really awkward. and i TRY to acttually have a nice conversation but i just end up being boring. like i never feel like aanyone is interested in me or wants to be my friend. how can i find a solution to this problem, i cant even make new friends! (link)
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Hello,
That depends, how do you talk to people? Do you say, "Hi." or "My name is ________." or "How are you?" I would say, choose carefully who you want to be friends with, come to them and introduce yourself. Maybe ask them what they like, then tell them something related- try to keep the conversation going. A tip, asking questions is a good way to keep someone in a conversation. If they know something/ a hobby like you, talk about it. Don't be too upset if that person doesn't become your friend. There is always a lot of other people who would be potential friends!
About the shyness, perhaps you could try to do some extra curricular activities. Join a sports team, club, foriegn language class, anything- this might build up your social skills and confidence. But, I guess to be rid of your shyness, you need to lose that label "shy" of yours from your mind. Ths will be your first step, when you lose this mentality it'll be easier for you to talk with others more smoothly because there will be no label to hold you back.
-Akiko-san
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