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Q: My father remarried 7 years ago. She emailed my sister (who was 16 at the time) a really cruel message 6 months after they were married because we did not call her on Mother's day. She ranted and raved about how hurt she was and said that we were no longer welcome in her home. My sister responded by saying that we just did not feel like we knew her very well and we simply didn't think of calling her on Mother's day and apologized. The woman continued to email my sister mean messages until my mom took all of the messages to a family therapist to get advice, and the therapist said my Dad's wife is highly unstable and should not be allowed to communicate with us without someone present. My Mom continued to be nice to her, but then the woman got mean to my mom and my mom didn't yell back, only told her to not communicate with her any more. We hardly see my Dad and have not been invited to stay the night in their house since. The woman also emails mean messages to my gramdma and once threw a heavy box at her from across the room. My Dad just expects gramma and us to continually apologize to his wife. Everyone on my Dad's side of the family dislikes her but acts civil to her when they see her. Grandma just plays along and apologizes when my Dad asks so that her son will remain in her life. Dad seldom calls us on holidays or birthdays and we see him about fours hours once per year, by his own choice.
Now, my high school graduation is coming up... my Dad wants to bring her out, they live in the Midwest, and I know she's crazy so I want to set boundaries so that she won't talk to my mom, my sister, and my younger brother (not my Dad's son) but my mom said that that will create an argument. I don't want that but I will because I'm noting going to condone this behavior. My step-mother emailed my sister today saying that she "wants t rebuild their relationship". What should I do? Help!

The one who should set boundaries is your dad. But since he is not "maning" up, you must set them. Let him know how you feel. Tell him how it makes you feel being around her and that you will not tolerate her anymore. Let him know that you do not want her at graduation. Now, here's the catch. If you do confront him, be prepared for him to chose her over you. Be prepared not to have a relationship with him. (I'm not saying this will occur, but it is a possibility.) Or you can chose to keep the peace and endure whatever your step-mom throws your way. This may please your dad and her, but will not do any difference in your well being. On the other hand, if your step-mom wants to truely make things right then she will be willing to go to family counseling.
So, the decision is yours. Hope you make the right one.

bio

I'm a reconnection coach. I help women return and reconnect to their authentic inner essence so they can live a more fulfilled life. I am also a dedicated to helping other people, both younger and older, in regards to relationship issues. Relationships are not just limited to boyfriend and girlfriend but parent-child, brother and sister, etc.
I was a mother at the age of 17 years old so I understand the pressures and issues teenagers face. I have also been married 10 years and counting so I understand the struggles and problems of a marriage relationship. As a mother of four I can relate to the stress of raising children.
I am currently working on obtaining my degree as a marriage and family counselor.
I look forward to giving real and raw advice to you.
If you would like to follow me on a journey to self improvement check out my website below.