I am a 16 year old trans female. My name is Samantha, but you may call me Sam. I work better at giving advice about relationships and gender identity. Ask away!
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Member Since: June 28, 2019
Answers: 3
Last Update: June 30, 2019
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I am an only child, age 16, and I have a mother and a father. My mother is amazing but my father… is something else.
He makes my mother do anything he wants and controlls her a lot. He does the same to me. He has for years.
He wants me to be the smartest person in all my classes and wants me to do pretty much anything perfectly. If I don't or get something less than an A+ on any of my classes (whice obviously would have happened a lot) he punishes me in ways I don't want to explain.
I'm lucky that he allows me to have friends and some of them knows about this but I made them swear not to tell anyone else or do anything about it. They stay by my side and I love them for that but is it wrong not to have them do anything? What should I do about this? I'm scared and I desperately need help.
Thank you so much. (link)
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I would request that you ask for some help. Call someone that will be open to your problems and let them help you. I believe calling the police would be best bet. When you do, tell them calmly about the situation and they should be able to help.
Abusive people tend to find ways to make you scared to tell anybody, so that's normal. He is trying to manipulate you and your mother. Try your best not to let him do that.
Or you can talk to your mother in private on how you feel and see if you get how she feels. Talk about what you both think might be right for both of you. Compromise if need be. Plan on the future for when he's gone (if that's what you decide). Is he the only one who works in the family? If so, your mother might need a job. You are now old enough to get a job of your own if you don't already have one. That could help.
Is it your mother that's working and not your father? Or are they both working? If you end up going without your father, you will be alone for however long your mother is at work. How to fix this: Go out. Go with friends. Do something. If it's your mother's day off, see if you can hang out with her whenever possible.
You are a woderful person. You don't deserve this. You have amazing friends who want to help as much as possible. Let them. You won't regret it. Trust me, I know.
I hope this answer help you out at least a little.
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I am a 50 year old Mom and I have a 27 year old Daughter. She lives with her abusive and controlling boyfriend. I have noticed a pattern and I do not like it. During Christmas and birthdays she keeps in touch and is very warm, caring and friendly. Other times she does not text and does not want to be bothered. She can be rude. After 3 years of building this pattern I am tired of feeling used and discarded. Every Summer when there are no gifts involved she discards me and wants nothing to do with me. I am tempted to tell her that I no longer wish to exchange any Birthday or Christmas gifts with her and see if she quits visiting and all communication. This way I no if my suspicions are correct that she only uses me for Gifts. Problem is my Mother lives with me and my Mother does not feel the same way as I do. I would hate for my Mother to be punished for my choices and decisions. My Daughter does not text to ask how her Grandmother is doing and did not come to the hospital to sit with her Grandmother while I was in surgery. I am feeling like my Daughter could care less about her Grandmother or I. What should I do? (link)
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Is there going to be any birthdays recently or anything? If so, when you both meet again, try to talk to her and ask if she wants to visit sometime after the holiday/birthday. That would be another way to know if she truly uses and discards you because even if she says yes and she ends up not coming the day you planned, then what you are saying could, unfortunately, be true. If she says no, ask if she has any days where she could, then so on. If she still says no, then once again, she could be using and discarding you. If she says yes and actually comes over they day you planned, then hurray! She might not be!
There might be a reason she is not communicating with you: You said she is living with her abusive and controlling boyfriend. When stuff like that happens, that boyfriend (or girlfriend, depending on the relationship) could be manipulating her. Making her stay away from her friends and family.
How manipulating works in short: The person manipulating make you, or other people, think that you are doing it all wrong, it's all your fault, the only way to do things is how s/he (the manipulator) wants, etc. The manipulator is smart and knows what s/he is doing. That's how it works.
How to stop it: As you are not the one being manipulated, you can't see the problem and leave. You can see the problem, but it is your daughter's job to try and fix it. Unfortunately, if you try to tell her, she (as most people do) will most likely get angry and that could make her still want to stay away from you. So try to just tell her (when she's there to talk to you) that you (and her gandmother) love her very much no matter what. That she can tell you anything and you will still love her. Tell her to be smart and that she is a wonderful and beautiful person. This could make her more open to you, and as a bonus, help her with the manipulation problem because manipulators also tend to tell you the opposite of that and tell the victim that is the reason why s/he should stay with him/her. So tell her that and see if it helps. I understand that I am only 16, but I'm very much experienced plenty of things in my life already.
I wish you the best and I hope that this answer could help.
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