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18/f
I'm in college, and I want to get my roommate something nice for the holidays because a lot of us are exchanging gifts. All of us, except for her, celebrate Christmas. She grew up in a Jewish household, so she celebrates Hanukkah.
Would it be okay to still get her a "holiday" gift. Would I just write Happy Hanukkah on the card?
We're doing a secret Santa, too. Should we invite her to participate or just leave it since she doesn't do Christmas?
What's the etiquette for that?
Put yourself in your roommate's shoes. Would you want to be included (or at least invited to participate) in the ritual? Would you like to receive a card? What would you like to be done to you so that you don't feel like an outsider?
This is not a situation where "knowledge of the other person's religion" helps avoid a misstep. There's a funny incident in Charlie Wilson's War where the congressman goes to Pakistan and he's asked what he wants to drink. "Anything with alcohol in it." Well, that's a case where knowledge of the local culture will help change what you ask for.
In the Hanukkah situation, let's look at it from your position: Do you want to change your behavior toward someone who doesn't celebrate your religion? I've been to Kenya where I was invited to participate in local ceremonies and celebrations. The locals could have said, "Steve is a different religion, so let's leave him out." Instead, the locals made me feel included, and I could participate as much as I wanted without feeling that I had to agree with everything that they did.
Your impulse to include your roommate in your celebration of the season indicates that you are a compassionate person who is sensitive to the feelings of others. You don't want to impose your beliefs on them yet you have the desire to include them in your world. Who knows what can happen after you invite her to join you? Go ahead, secret Santa, holiday gift, send her a card, make her feel included!
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