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my roommate and i are at odds. she is a total slob and cant keep her side of the jail cell erm i mean room clean. i tried drawing a line down the middle of the floor but the guards i mean RAs made me clean it up and had me do dishes for a week. i dont think it would have worked out cause her bed is on my side and the toilet is on hers. what should i do. im at my wits end.

CB9

This is quite the predicament. I think before anything you should try talking to your cell mate...or roommate. Maybe she'll hear your plea and try to be nicer. Maybe, if it is important enough to you, you could pick up after her.
Hopefully you can come to a compromise, because you can't force your roomy to be neat anymore than she can force you to be messy.
At worse, you may have to become more tolerant yourself, at least until she walks the green mile, persay.

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dear supersexyadvicegirl,

i think that one night, in my sleep, a squirrel somehow crawled its way inside my head. at night, when i sleep, it plays with the backs of my eyes, and as a result i have nightmares. how can i tell the squirrel to tone down the late-night cranial aerobics so that i can get some shuteye?

- brain-busted

Dear brain-busted,

Perhaps you are confused. A squirrel could never crawl inside a human brain. It's too big. You must be suffering from a chipmunk problem. The solution to which is simple and can be handles in three easy steps.
1. Do you remember those googly eyes that you put on crafts as a small child? Take two of those tonight before you go to bed. This will hopefully distract the chipmunk from your eyes. This need be done once only.
2. During your nightly routine, be sure to blare a Richard Simons excersice video in the background. This results in your chipmunk tiring out before you are ready for rest.
3. Finally take a small chipmunk size dose of viagra nightly. If a chipmunk has a boner, he'll be sure to leave your eyeballs alone and focus his attention on another pair of balls.

Take Care.

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