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I'm not sure where to turn. I feel like I have run out of options and I just can't cope.

I've seen a pyschiatrist, physchologist, hypnotherapist and counseller- none helped. I recently went to my head of year when things were really too much- to the extent when it was either help or die- and she, although she said she wouldn't since she saw it wouldnt help, has just asked a counseller to speak to me. I need real help. I know it can help to talk through fears and everything but it hasn't helped me in the past and I cannot put myself through the pain of living for the date where I saw a therapist and begging them to help me. It was hell and it never really helped anything.

I need SOMETHING more now. Things are really bad at the moment. It's hard to explain but basically I have complete phobias of lots of things (certain films, accents, places, anything) that I can relate to a certain person who hurt me. I don't want to go into this since it's not overly relevent to this question.

I just want to know if there is ANYTHING else out there. I really don't know what to do. I want to die. I feel like everything is helpless and no one can help me. I'm not allowed medication as the pyschiatrist felt I was too dependant on things. I don't know where else to turn. My parents don't either.

The reason I went to my head of year was for this reason- I am totally stuck. I can't handle it. I feel like I am falling and no one can stop me. I need help so badly- I just can't see anything out there.

Please reply if you can; thankyou xxxx

look at the things that scare you, anything that makes you uncomfortable, and get used to them being around. Slowly but surely just become less dependant on people and things, try to do things for yourself. Find some way to vent, journal, draw, do abstract art. Writting things down and then reading then like a month or two later lets you reflect and see how you are doing. Just anything you can do. Music helps alot to, making your own is frustrating at first but when you are done it feels wonderful. Only you know what can really help.

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I'm pretty sure that I have at least borderline obsessive-compulsive disorder, but where symptoms are listed, the requirements are kind of vague. If anyone who knows more about it could give me a hint as to my own state(severity, etc.), I'd appreciate it. I'll list some symptoms. Note that this if going to be rather long, even though I've cut out a lot of detail and examples.



Hand washing - I'm... fairly obsessed... with dirty-ness... if I touch something that I think might be dirty, then I wash my hands before touching anything clean and/or at the first opportunity. A year or so ago I counted myself as washing my hands ninety times in one day, and I'm sure that it's gotten significantly worse since then.

Arrangement - I like to arrange things that I'm looking at neatly. For example, yesterday I had six bittorrent windows open, and I arranged them in a perfect grid; the top left one's top left corner was exactly on the top left corner of the screen, and all the others were exactly aligned with it(no overlap or space whatsoever between edges, corners touching).

Counting - I'll count repetitive noises. Not all of them (not keystrokes, walking footsteps, etc.), but I'll always count stairs-steps and some other noises.

Perfectionism - but only in things I care about. Not really significant, but I've been known to spend hours on a minor detail of a bad drawing.

Paranoia - I worry that people may be watching me, and about hidden cameras and suchlike. I keep all my sensitive(for example, pirated) files in triple-encrypted archives with very long passwords and worry that the government might have a quantum computer, with which such a password could easily be broken.

Random **** - sometimes I'll feel compelled to do something, for example tapping my fingers in a pattern or sequence until I get it exactly right. A minute before I started writing this I selected some icons in an order. Then I worked out on paper how to work the sequence exactly backwards and did so because I needed to balance the select-ing to put my mind to rest.

what you have listed is more compulsions than obessions. Compulsions are activities that you have to do, that you just can't be happy with out doing. Obessions are thoughts, like thinking about following somone... to me obessive-compulsive you would have to carry out those thoughts. The only way to be sure is to get tested, but its not good to try to convience the doctor tha tyou are because if you really arent it will still follow you through life. There are many different forms of compulsive disorders so its good to look at them all and really figure out what causes you to do all this stuff.

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