I used to be an artist, back in school. I used to be a musician. That weird kid who knows he's weird and doesn't care, because that's who he is.
So what if many people didn't like me because of who I was? So what if they mocked me and tried to make me feel bad? It never worked, because the friends I had loved me for it.
I had skills that even I can't imagine(not being cocky, others always thought better of my art and music than I did), and I loved to draw and paint and play guitar and keyboard. I could sit down with nothing but a piece of paper and a box of charcoal and get lost in time for who knows how long, visiting places I'd never been, places no one had ever been, just completely in tune with myself, and for a few hours, nothing else would exist.
I'd go for what felt like 5 minutes and realized the whole day slipped away, and in front of me lay the image I saw in my mind.
I even had people offer $300-$400 for something I drew or painted. So I was going to go to college for 3D animation. I loved art, and I was good with computers, so it seemed like a good idea. The traditional arts don't make much money today, so this was a good compromise I could make. One that I could live with and love every day for the rest of my life, with enough money to afford paints and paper and charcoal and musical instruments on the side.
So I was dead set on going to college, but being a young, healthy, white male with parents who make good money, there was no such thing as grants for me. I didn't get any scholarships. And I certainly couldn't afford any loans - not yet.
And so I looked for a job. I searched and I searched, and the only place hiring was my least favorite fast-food restaurant paying minimum wage, part time. I've worked there over a year and a half now.
I used to be creative, weird, eccentric, making something new and beautiful every day, enjoying life even when it could be rough. People noticed me. People I didn't even know EXISTED knew me better than I thought they possibly could.
But now I'm not creative. I have artist's block. I'm a plain, boring guy working a dead-end job for minimum wage, 15 hours a week, pushing out the same old crap day in and day out. The same worthless crap. Shoveling it into the faces of plain, boring people. And the occasional success, who rubs it in my face with their $100k cars in the drive-through. I blend in. I'm boring, and most of my old friends consider me just a memory. No one knows me anymore.
I'm not me, and I'm trapped by this awful job that makes me hate every minute of this all. I'm trapped because I don't even make enough money to keep my car on the road.
What do I do to get out of this mess? How do I get back to being me?
Dear I'm not myself anymore,
I see the problems. Most important is your diet.
am guessing that you were eating better before you began working at that fast food place. Now you eat the fast food.
You were able to think and be creative. Your personality was alive because you could think clearly. The foods you are eating are inhibiting your brains ability to put thoughts into creative form.
I see this happen all the time. It happened to me, that is why I can see it has happening to you.
Quit your job and find a job in a different industry or even a different town. It is only 15 hours a week. Besides, you have been there for too long. You know the job inside and out and are completely unsatisfied. It is making you miserable. Cut that out!!
Happiness is a state of mind, not a destination.
Clean up your diet so you think more clearly.(get an art book and start doodling)
Eliminate all the negative influences from your life. (Bad food and a dead end job has got to go)
Work towards goals that make you feel whole again.
(working towards worth while goals will give you a sense of who you are again. Volunteer at your local animal shelter or old folks home once a week)
Surround yourself by people that are going the same direction you are going and doing the things you want to do. Find out the local hangout for artist like yourself and start going a lot!!
You are not trapped if you have a brain in your head and the ability walk. You are the only one that can choose your path. Your car cannot make choices for you, your job does not dictate who you are, and your lack of money is not a prison cell.
If you really want to find yourself, you must change what you are doing now. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.
Make that change anytime you want, not anytime you can. If you want it, it will happen but you have to act in order for that to happen. You getting a job was a reaction to not going to college. Stop reacting and start acting.
While I do not suggest anything as extreme as joining the military, I do feel that an extraordinary change is needed in order for you to get out of this unhealthy frame of mind.
You are not crazy or mentally ill for losing yourself. It is not your fault and you had no idea that this fast food job would kill your ambitions and talent drive.
Here is a URL to a site that you can start using to clean up your diet. Once you are in a clear frame of mind, your skills will show back up in full force. I have faith that diet alone will help you make the choices you need to make.
http://www.dadamo.com/typebase4/typeindexer.htm
Good Luck!
EMQU RAKBU
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My mom's memory has always been a problem. She is not elderly and doesn't have anything physically or mentally wrong with her. She's middle aged and pretty healthy and intelligent. However, she is the most forgetful person I've ever known under the age of 80. She'll be talking and won't be able to think of a word she wants to say, she'll forget something she needs to do, and she'll forget things that she needs to bring places. Ever since my grandma died, my mom and I have brought dinner over to my granddad's every night and she often forgets things that she's supposed to bring and has me go get them, which is a big pain. Then tonight, she gave me money to go to the store and get a specific side dish for dinner. I had two go to two different stores to find it, scrape up enough money for them because she didn't give me quite enough, and it ended up taking about 40 minutes longer than ii should have. Then my mom forgot to cook the side dish anyway and we're not having anything else this week that it would go with. I am so annoyed. What can I do to help her improve her memory?
Dear How can I help my mother's memory,
In the last thirty years, research has been done on the link between diet and memory issues. There is overwhelming evidence to support the fact that a poor diet will contribute to a poor memory.
If her memory is that bad, it is obvious that she is not as healthy as you believe. It even sounds like she may have a neuro-degenerative disorder.
However, I am not a doctor. I cannot diagnose, but I can pass on information that may help make your life easier and result in a happier frame of mind.
So here is my advice to you.
STEP ONE: Start by getting her on a diet that helps her clear up her thinking and even control any disorders she may have.
http://www.northamericanpharmacal.com/shareright/jrox.php?id=4104
STEP TWO: Seek out all the information you can on this herb and get her to ingest it, eat it in her foods, smoke it, etc...just get her body saturated with it. (by saturated, I mean the amount in her blood stream)
http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00213-011-2449-3
I have seen many people recover their memory and eliminate their own illnesses with the information in this answer.
Use it to save yourself from the same issues your mom suffers from as well.
Good Luck!
Yours Truly,
EMQU RAKBU
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I know this is real, it is not made up in my head. I have been hearing scary voices & seeing shadow people for 10 years. No one believes me.
I know I'm not schizophrenic! People have told me I am and I'm not.
I started suffering from sleep paralysis when I was 10. I also started seeing shadow people moving around & I've heard evil voices. I can't sleep, when I close my eyes I hear them. They make loud scary noises and Im REALLY scared. Sometimes I'm in my room AWAKE and I'll freeze up & start hearing voices. I can't move or talk when this happens.
A week ago I was over my grandma's sleeping on the couch. I felt a spirit go into my body. I see them at her house too. I jumped off of the couch and heard and evil voice really loud. MY GRANDMA WAS IN THE OTHER ROOM sleep, she didn't hear it. It scared me so much that I was shaking for days & I couldn't sleep. No one hears the voices i hear & it scares me the most. I've tried praying & everything.
I BELIEVE THESE ARE EVIL SPIRITS AND IM SCARED. NO ONE BELIEVES ME.
I'm terrified & it's ruining my life. No one believes me. I'm scared. I've read stories on the internet of people going through the same thing I'm going through, about hearing voices & seeing evil spirits. If I go to a psychiatrist, they'll just call me crazy. I can't sleep by myself & I'm scared to go in my room. I hear deep evil voices ALL DAY.
How do I get these spirits & voices to go away?
Dear I've been hearing scary evil voices,
I believe you! I believe that he voices are not in your head. I have people in my family that hear voices in their heads, and you are describing external influences, not internal influences.
I worked as part of a paranormal investigative team. I have had experiences with these thing as my entire life. That is why I got into ghost hunting.
You are describing a haunting. http://www.opposingviews.com/i/shaking-in-fear-7-tips-to-get-rid-of-a-ghost#
Here a link to some information that may help you reclaim your home and send the spirit to it's destination.
Please be careful and do the proper research before trying to reclaim your home. If not done right you could make things worse.
If the spirits are getting physical, try contacting a local ghost hunter group and explain the threat level. Many times if the haunting is violent they will come and evaluate the house with special equipment for free.
Good Luck to you and your family. This is a difficult thing to deal with and should be handled by an expert if it all possible.
In the mean time, make sure your brain is functioning properly by recognizing the effects of poor nutrition.
http://www.northamericanpharmacal.com/shareright/jrox.php?id=4104
Good luck and take care!
Yours Truly,
EMQU RAKBU
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