hi.(: im jennifer. iplan to be a marriage &family therapist. id love to help anybody who needs it. id love the practicee.(:
Gender: Female
Location: california
Member Since: July 12, 2010
Answers: 4
Last Update: July 12, 2010
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Okay. See here's the thing. I used to be such a stubborn independ, strong willed girl. You couldn't tell me to do anything, I was crazy. But when I started dating this boy. I think I let him change me... And I think I know the night it happened. I was hanging out with him one night and we were kissing, normal stuff. But then it started getting kind of hot, like I started to press into him more (we were laying down on the couch, I was on top) then he pulled me down so he was on top and started to press into me even harder, it almost hurt. He stopped for a second because I was hesitating now. I apologized and reminded him this was the first time I've ever been this physical with a guy, cuz he was my first boyfriend. He said it's okay and kept going. He started putting his hand down my pants and I pulled it out. A few minutes later he put it down again and I pulled it out. He put it in a third time and I knew, I knew it was wrong for him to keep doing this but somehow I also thought it was okay... I can't even explain it. It's like I shut down and just let him. I let him finger me. Then he stopped and I didn't even notice it but I had started crying. I don't know why I couldn't tell him to stop... I wasn't scared I was just like lost... completely zoned out. I don't know. He didn't notice I was crying and we kept going. He then proceeded to put my hand in his pants and I pulled it away. He asked me for a handjob and I said no. He told me it was okay. The next time we hung out he pulled down his pants and put my hand... well you know where. I started giving him a hj. I don't know why I couldnt' say no!! I started to cry though and we stopped and he hugged me, I just told him I didn't want to go so fast and he said okay. Except everytime we hung out he continued to finger me. When we hit six months I knew something was wrong. It was like this kid had sucked all of my strength out of me. I wasn't myself anymore. And when he asked for a bj I said no but like usual the things he said to convice me stopped seeming ilke convincing and started making so much sense even though I knew it was wrong. He told me things like "it's been six months, I finger you and it seems like that aspect of our relationship is completely one-sided. you should be comfortable enough to do this for me." and I did it... I was shocked with myself. I couldn't believe I was fourteen and doing this. I started crying after but he held me and told me it was okay and that he loved me and I believed him. He could tell me anything and I'd believe him. I don't know how our relationship got like this. Anyway, he dumped four days later. Its been two months since the break up and I know I'm stronger now. But I'm scared to trust myself with liking a guy again. I HATED how pathetic and used my ex made me feel. I HATED being his little slave. I don't ever want that again... I don't know if I can't trust boys or if I can't trust myself... I don't know what to do. How can I get back who I was?? (link)
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what the guy did to yuh can never be changed, but yuhr actions wil be different if another guy pressures yuh to do it. not all guys will do that to yuh, and a guy who truly cares, wil not be the one to do it. if something doesnt feel right in the beginning, then it probly isnt. the further yuh let it continue, the harder it will be to stop it. just because yuh let yuhrself do it this time, doesnt mean yuhl let yuhrself do it again.
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