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Location: Canada
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Age: 27
Member Since: July 19, 2007
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well this kid i really like, he knows i like him now, and he said he cant date until college, a year from now. but he said he wants to get to know me and thinks im attractive and nice or soemthing so..what do i do? (link)
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Hello, sorry for your dilemma.
I'm curious about something. It's a little unusual for a 17 year old (I assume) boy to be unwilling to date a girl he likes because he's waiting for college. This takes a lot of resolve and discipline. But what I'm wondering is, are there religious reasons for the decision? Is he following his parent's desires? Or is it a personal decision that he has independently come to and feels it's the best thing for him?
If it's the third reason then good for him, that's a sign of a healthy, independent and strong person. If it's one of the other two reasons, that's okay, but consider that these influences obviously have a huge impact on his decisions and that if you get into a relationship with him these same influences will definitely be a factor; ie what if the parents or religion don't approve of something important to you? He's already willing to sacrifice to conform, he might expect you to be willing also. Maybe find out a bit about what his expectations of you might be just to be safe.
IF you are okay with that (hopefully because you are in agreement with what the powers that be approve of), then there are two more questions. First of all, would it be appropriate to attempt to draw a person into a relationship when he has made a strong point of not wanting to? If it's for religious reasons then to influence his relationship choices is to question his entire belief system.
If it's for family reasons, then it might be okay IF he's already feeling like he wants to push those boundaries, and if he's prepared to face the conflict that would likely arise.
If he's made the choice as an individual deliberately doing what he believes is best, then I'd say it's open for discussion. If he's following his own values then he's free to reevaluate them. In this case it would be good to talk to him about how he's come to the conclusion to wait, ask lots of questions, and put forward your own thoughts (in a friendly, genuinely interested, and non-confrontational manner over time).
Assuming at this point that you are okay with why he's waiting and the influences involved, then you'll have to decide whether you put your energy into a relationship with him, which may take up to a year to bear fruit (assuming it does eventually work out), or if it's better to invest in someone who's available now. If you're 17 that's a pretty big decision because your last year in highschool can be a lot of fun and you might not want to limit your choices, especially when you're not getting what you want out of it. However if he's just that good and you really want to go for it (again assuming you're comfortable why he's waiting, and you don't feel you'd be doing harm by potientially influencing that), then you could give it a try.
If you do go for it then I'd have a couple of suggestions. Become good friends in that time, hang out, get to know eachother, have fun and all that. At least you can get some enjoyment out of the friendship while you're waiting. If it's going to work out then you'll have that as a great foundation for the relationship, if it doesn't work out you'll still have a friend.
However I wouldn't necessarily put all my eggs in that basket; if you meet someone else that interests you, feel free to pursue it. Just because he wants to wait doesn't mean he can expect you to, and if you do meet someone it doesn't mean that, if you're free again Hello, sorry for your dilemma.
I'm curious about something. It's a little unusual for a 17 year old (I assume) boy to be unwilling to date a girl he likes because he's waiting for college. This take a lot of resolve and discipline. But what I'm wondering is, are there religious reasons for the decision? Is he following his parent's desires? Or is it a personal decision that he has independently come to and feels it's the best thing for him?
If it's the third reason then good for him, that's a sign of a healthy, independent and strong person. If it's one of the other two reasons, that's okay, but consider that these influences obviously have a huge impact on his decisions and that if you get into a relationship with him these influences will definitely be a factor; ie what if the parents or religion don't approve of something important to you?
IF you are okay with that (hopefully because you are in agreement with what the powers that be approve of), then there are two more questions. First of all, would it be appropriate to attempt to draw a person into a relationship when he has made a strong point of not wanting to? If it's for religious reasons then to influence his relationship choices is to question his entire belief system.
If it's for family reasons, then it might be okay IF he's already feeling like he wants to push those boundaries, and if he's prepared to face the conflict that would likely arise. If he's made the choice as an individual deliberately doing what he believes is best, then I'd say it's open for discussion.
If he's following his own values then he's free to reevaluate them. In this case it would be good to talk to him about how he's come to the conclusion to wait, ask lots of questions, and put forward your own thoughts (in a friendly, genuinely interested, and non-confrontational manner).
Assuming at this point that you are okay with why he's waiting and the influences involved, then you'll have to decide whether you put your energy into a relationship with him, which may take up to a year to bear fruit (assuming it does eventually work out), or if it's better to invest in someone who's available now. If you're 17 that's a pretty big decision because your last year in highschool can be a lot of fun and you might not want to limit your choices, especially when you're not getting what you want out of it. However if he's just that good and you really want to go for it (again assuming you're comfortable why he's waiting, and you don't feel you'd be doing harm by potientially influencing that), then you could try and go for it. If you do go for it then I'd have a couple of suggestions. Become good friends in that time, hang out, get to know eachother and all that. At least you can get some enjoyment out of that while you're waiting. If it's going to work out then you'll have that as a great foundation for the relationship, if it doesn't work out you'll still have a friend. However I wouldn't put all my eggs in that basket; if you meet someone else that interests you, feel free to pursue it. Just because he wants to wait doesn't mean he can expect you to; and if you do meet someone it doesn't mean that, if you're free again when he's willing, you can't still go out with him.
Most importantly though, have a great year no matter what, and if this one's not the one, there are many many more you haven't met yet.
Good luck!
Girlaboutglobe
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