Member Since: June 23, 2022
Answers: 5
Last Update: June 23, 2022
Visitors: 1749
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My daughter is 14 and I’ve been married to my husband since she was three. He has always been there for her as a great stepdad. My daughter’s room is downstairs and even though she is 14 he still goes downstairs every night to sleep next to her after I fall asleep at 3:00am. Then comes back up every morning around 7am. I know nothing is going on and my daughter is completely comfortable around him, she says nothing but good things. I have talked to her and she insists that she is fine with him doing this. However, I am not fine with this because she is fourteen and doesn’t need a grown adult sleeping next to her every night. I told him how I felt and that he doesn’t need to do that anymore but all he says is “you can’t tell me what to do” “you are a control freak” and disregards how I feel. He then said “well I’ll go downstairs and sleep on the couch near her since you don’t want me in the bed”which makes no sense at all! He told me I am just trying to “control” where he sleeps and my daughter doesn’t have a problem with it so he isn’t stopping. He told me I am the only one who thinks something is wrong with it and that I am jealous! I could not believe it when he said that. What is wrong here?!!!! I wanted to punch him in the face when he said that. He always turns it around on me and makes me look like I crazy for thinking this way. I just want to scream! He claims he goes down there because she likes to talk until she falls asleep but at 3am in the morning you should be sleep not talking! She is fourteen for goodness sake how long will he be doing this? I just feel uncomfortable about the whole thing for some reason and at this point this whole situation makes me want to just leave this marriage. She isn’t five anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I just overreacting? (link)
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Your husband is gaslighting you with his response so it is best to just address it head on. I would try to take this back a step and tell your husband you feel it is inappropriate that he wants to sleep in the same bed as your 14 yo daughter even though you know nothing is going on. I would make it clear that you can in fact tell him that he can not do this not one day more. It ends immediately. I would explain that your daughter being ok with it does not justify him doing this as you do not want your daughter to believe that sleeping in the same bed as a grown man is appropriate. I would then go to your daughter and explain that you know her step dad is not doing anything and you believe her but want her to know that adult men do not sleep in the same bed as teenagers. Then move your stuff to your daughters room and sleep there. If he tries to make you sound crazy tell him you that he needs to leave. You are not crazy, this is wrong.
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