Hey, my name is Brandi & I'm 18! I actually use to have one of these accounts, but can't seem to remember the password, so I made a new one. I'm here to help not judge, so ask anything. (:
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Member Since: May 29, 2012
Answers: 16
Last Update: May 17, 2015
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My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties. We have been together for about a year and a half and I've never had a reason to feel like I can't trust him. Yesterday evening, he went to bed and left his phone laying out on the counter. Now, looking into each other's phones is something we promised we'd never do. Neither of us get jealous easily and we've always gotten along SO well because we're both laid back.
Well, what I found hurt me a lot. There were two different girls that he had been texting from time to time over the course of the past few months. With one girl, he would text her randomly and tell her that she looked beautiful in her new Facebook photo, and then a few weeks later he would say that he wished he could come see her. The other girl, he'd call her sweet names and he said he'd be off work for a few days and thought that they should meet up. From what I could tell, he never met up with either of them. But seeing him flirt and sweet talk other girls hurts so bad and I don't accept that. Plus, if he's willing to say those things, what else has he done that I wouldn't find in his phone?
I don't know what to do. I don't put up with cheating but if it IS just words in a message, it is different from physical cheating but still is a betrayal of my trust. What I don't understand is that our whole relationship has felt like it's in that "honeymoon" stage. I've never felt like he's been unhappy at any point. We constantly have so much fun together and have rarely had even the smallest of arguments. He brags about me to all of his friends, his family loves me, we've made plans for our future... and then I discover he texts random girls every once in a while. They're never ongoing conversations but still very inappropriate.
I left him while he was sleeping and went back to my own house. Since then we've briefly discussed the situation but I really don't want to talk to him because there's nothing he can say to justify what he's done. He keeps apologizing and saying how bad he feels, and that he'd never actually cheat on me, the texts are just an ego boost for him and he only sends them when he's drunk, that's why he quits replying. It makes sense, but at the same time, I will not tolerate cheating and I'm just hurt so bad that I feel like I will always have doubts in the back of my mind.. but beside this situation, we are SOOOO good together and I don't want to throw that away. (link)
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First of all, I know many couples that share the trust and decide not to go through each other\'s phones. I completely understand that. But there comes a point, especially when you\'re living together and carrying on a serious relationship that it\'s not even a concern if one or the other picks their significant other\'s phone up. I can only imagine the hurt you felt when you saw those messages and I\'m sorry you\'re going through this :( but don\'t go back to him just because you care so much about him. I know that sounds crazy, but going straight back to him will make him think that he can/could keep doing that and you would come back. I think if in a little while you do decide you all are a match and you want to be back with him, the phone rule should be thrown out the door. It does make sense that he could have possibly been drunk doing those things but he should have told you or deleted their numbers and learned from doing it the first time. Drunk is no excuse to continuously make the same mistake. I really hope things work out for you and overall you\'re happy! (: Hope this helps.
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