Member Since: January 15, 2012
Answers: 12
Last Update: January 23, 2012
Visitors: 1447
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Well this is really uncomfortable for me to talk about with people, I only had one friend who used to support me, she also liked to cross-dress as a boy. But that was when I was 15, somehow things changed and we stopped talking. Anyway I'm now 18 and moved to a really nice place in the 'burbs of Illinois, no one knows me even though I've been living here for about 7 months.
I graduated early last year and I'm currently working to put myself through Tech School. So I basically go to work (out of the suburb I live in) and come back home. Which I take why I have literally no friends. It upsets me. Anyway, that's not the issue here.
I started cross-dressing when I was 14 all the way till I was 16. My best friend at the time used to tell me I looked like a cute boy, it didn't bother me since I secretly wanted to look like one. To this day I'm still not sure why. By the way I'm 18 now.
Anyway, she and I started cross-dressing on weekends in secret. My mom caught me once and she found it odd but didn't say much about it, she did sort of support me after she saw it continued I didn't need to hide it from her, she even started calling me a boys name for awhile.
Then awhile later I decided to tell my dad about it, I was really nervous since when I was about the age of 9 or 10 he yelled at me once for wanting to wear a boys uniform to school instead of a girls. When I turned 13 he also told me that if I kept buying "boy's shoes," people in school were going to start rumors. I was still pretty naive at that age so I didn't understand, when he noticed that he just told me he wouldn't have a gay daughter. (It mentally scarred me.)
Well as the years went by my dad and I were fairly distant, since he had to work a lot, my mom and I were fairly close. My sisters were terrible to me ever since I was little, so I avoided them as much as I could.
When I turned 16 and got my first boyfriend, I told my dad about my cross-dressing. By then I guess we had a milder closeness. Since our family was going downhill. (My mom was distancing from me.) He wasn't surprised he said and laughed about it made a bit uncomfortable but he then told me about a uncle of his and an aunt who would cross-dress. Which made me slightly relieved to know. But also confused me still.
My sisters never found out about my "hobby," well a few days after I turned 17 my mom announced she was leaving us for some man she met at her health club. Since then things between my mom and I have been...cold. I stopped cross-dressing after that. I don't even know why. Then a month after I graduated early, my best friend ended up telling me she hated me ever since we met? Which just confused me more and made things worse.
My sisters both moved out with their boyfriends and I was left with my dad. We lived in a truck with my two cats for 8 months. (He's a trucker.)
Now a few months after, my eldest sister was having financial problems so my dad moved me in with her in this nice new suburb. I don't want to sound odd or racist. But we always lived in "poor" suburbs so most of my friends have always been latino (like myself,) or black or asian. So for some reason I feel out of place here. Everyone here is either white or middle eastern, I don't have a problem with that, it just makes me shy to talk to anyone. I don't know why.
Well I have 3 online best friends I met back when I was 15, they don't live in the U.S. ):
They know about my cross-dressing days. My friend touched the subject the other day and asked me if I missed it. I was honest and said yes. He told me I should do what ever makes me happy. I told him that ever since the split in my family and my group old friends, I had become rather jaded. My self-esteem that was once pretty high, for some reason went down extremely low.
Which confuses me because when I was 15-17 I was pretty fat but was pretty self confident. And now that I'm nice and slim I feel so anxious and self-conscious. He then scolded me and went on to point out something true, that now that I'm thin and my chest has gone down I'll look more guyish. ( I was a Dcup and am now a Bcup.)
About a week later ( a week ago from today)I thought about it and cut my hair rather short. My dad came home from work and asked why I did and I told him I was tired of my long hair (which I really was,) and that a new year means a new hairstyle. He didn't give it much thought. My sister and her boyfriend both said they liked it, and that it fit me so that made me happy.
Yesterday on my day off I decided to go grocery shopping on my own while everyone else was at work . I wore my regular jeans and "borrowed" a shirt and hoodie from my sisters boyfriend, just to see if I would be more comfortable. I didn't put much makeup on messed my hair a bit and went out. I felt awkward at first, like if everyone knew or could tell. I texted my buddy and he gave a peptalk, when I rode the bus back home from shopping a lady said, "excuse me young man do you know the time." It made my heart flutter, so when I got home I went to the bathroom and tried on most of my sister's boyfriends clothes (except for jeans they're too big on me) and decided I want to be open about it. I want to be able to dress and look how I want. But I'm scared and embarrassed to tell my dad. I thought about slowly making changes to my wardrobe, but feel reluctant to. My sisters and I are now closer, well at least the one I live with.
When I first moved in with her we spoke about a lot of past thins, family matters and such. She told me something that was odd but true, that between the three of us I was always the smarter one and the one that would leap in as the one to stop all the estrogen tension in our family. That I always had a boy like feel to me. It made me feel sort of like a freak. Or like I was born the wrong gender.
If it helps to know I've come to find I can fall for either sex. I like people for what they have on the inside not out.
Anyway, sorry it's terribly long but any advice appreciated! Please help me, and if you cross-dress too, well any tips about going out in public? I mean like what bathroom am I supposed to use?
Thank you! (link)
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When I was younger I was a tomboy and as a grown woman I still like my jeans and t-shirts cause I chase after 2 boys. Nothing wrong with feeling comfortable. If you have a job that lets you dress as you like, then do what you like. Every now and then just to shake things up and keep them guessing, wear a dress with some heels, extra make up etc. Short hair means nothing one way or another except your saving money on shampoo and conditioner. You might find you like the extra attention from dressing up, then again it might not matter to you. If you are trying to further your career, you might want to look around and see who is advancing and what they are wearing. Don't adhere to one specific type of clothes. Be diverse!
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